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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in written source's LiveJournal:

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    Friday, November 6th, 2009
    6:58 pm
    This is how i live
     Today i went to Platteville to get mom eye drops and though i am feeling sick and sad from this stalking that will never end i listened to Madison's Xmas station. The first song played was Ode to Joy I used to ride to madison with Mary Alice Melloy back in the mid 80's to see Beatriz at the condo where i live now.

    I told Mary Alice what my father used to tell us, "If you see the capital you're not lost"

    So Mary Alice was trying to find the turn off to get us from the square to Johnson Street and she broke our lull to say, "Well, we can't find our turn off and we keep driving around and around the square but we aren't lost because my dad says if we see the capital we're not lost'

    I burst out laughing.

    So i go to joy to survive this rape.

    http://www.wolx.com/

    No, I do not hate all Jesuits. Father Mueller taught me about the Trinity and St. Augustine.

    This is about what David Sylvester said, "there are a few bad ones in there..."

    I don t think Father Thelen is one of the bad ones.

    I ll tell everybody this, i do not want to hear your trivial problems i am with people every day who are trying to make food and shelter so leave your blues with your suburban friends, you are never there for me anyway.
    5:53 pm
    Entrapment is your legacy
     So for people who are not on in on how this works; The FBI has tried to get me for stalking as they stalk me. The goal has been to get me to blow up and that i will call the Jesuits or the great Novice Master. They also allow people access to my private life through voice and/or speech recognition meaning i can say something to Ghost through what i have dubbed Our Berlin Floor and they will be able to read it on a computer screen.

    There was no reason to go into Shullsburg or Clarke other than to destroy my hope.

    The simplistic thinker who has no grasp of who i am (and that's ok because I didn t for years) thinks well she loves this ghost he must have told her. En Contraire. This Ghost would know me in the nonspiritual world if this wasn't so serious.

    We are compatible. I perceive it. He has this brilliance that has evolved out of his love of mud, and i am muddy, i mean how much more compatible can you get then that.

    Now, my goal is to skip Christmas with the family. I will tell my mother on Dec 23 that i have the flu because i am sick of being shunned and judged.

    One time i happened to mention my niece and nephews by name here and i ended up with a huge body symptom because when i did it i was thoughtless out of love and I live in a manner where i choose to forget that i am stalked and my privacy is violated in this rape. I go to my joy and to my loves to rise above this darkness. I am good at doing that. But i will not suffer any more body symptoms.

    DON T YOU EVER TELL ME THIS IS NOT RAPE WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE HAVING ACCESS TO THE MOST PRIVATE PARTS OF YOUR LIFE THAT IS RAPE AND FURTHERMORE THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO DISEMPOWER ME AND MY MOTHER.

    So i live in denial most of the time. I have to i sing to Ghost, I talk to him, i tell him at 9 pm that i will be quiet for him and the woman above me this is my ritual

    At Clarke i didn't go to class. It was the illness, those people were so interesting that i would take it in and i would go to my room and decompress.

    When i was diagnosed as having manic depression there wasn't much literature but on one hiatus to UW Platteville between Clarke time i found a one page article on manic depression in TIME magazine (sometime in the early 80's) and well it spoke about the poets that suffered from manic depression.

    So these profilers know that stalking a manic depressive poet is a path to suicide because manic depressives are prone to suicide and so are poets so put them together and it's wicked combination.

    So i am grateful for some Clarke feedback when i was there. Things i didn 't know about myself such as: "Terri you can walk into a room and no what's up with total strangers within 15 minutes" I asked "Isn't it obvious" They said, "NO"

    I told Dr. Ulrich, I think i have to wait to let people find out on their own what i see right away. He said, "Yes, you see because it just boggles their mind how you can know and they can't see how you can know and it just confuses them"

    Michele found from being with me that i am perceptive and she said, "I think now it's within 7 minutes"

    I have written here before that my mother reported to me a few years back that my father told her of me, "that one knows what is going on"

    I have used the ability to perceive to try to build on people's strengths not to shame them with embarassment of what i can see.

    But i am tired.

    And a Clarke friend would see that I would skip school but i would never skip work, and she said, "TErri, you have an incredible work ethic"

    A friend i worked with told me how a former boss would taunt me about hiring me when noone else would with the FBI on me.

    So for those who don t know they give lay people access to my private life with the hopes that something in my ability to say what i think will disgust them and make them hate me or they let me know they are in where i go and then tell the people i know tehy are in there and that if i name any of them as telling me the FBI will get them for obstruction of justice.

    You see, for the past decade they have been stalking me under the auspices that they want to find out who told me what when they are the ones that have told me and they just want me to end my life.

    That has been their goal.

    I ll be damned if i will do it.

    So when i moved here it didn't stop so one night i prayed to the stars at the gate of Sherman Terrace "You have got to send me somebody i am dying out here."

    And the next night i found Mat Gleason by accident on internet. I didn t know he just spelled his first name with one t at the end.

    So he found me broken and weak and sometimes he would get me to find my power and he would say, "Now that's the feisty Terri I remember"

    It was as if he had found me in a psych unit called Jesuit Fall Out and he was trying to fix my lobotomy.

    Then we had a falling out. But he helped me and he gave me this blog long before the blow hard John Roach would have consulted the bell curve of group think to see if it was ok.

    I was terrified of this blog process.

    Mat said, "I think you need this."

    This is what helped get even more of the truth out.

    I met at Mat at Clarke, he was just a boy and for years, i kept two of the water colors he did one night in Mary Jo lounge.

    One of them was called Deity. And at that time he was sweet with hope about art to say, "Anybody can do art Terri."

    Now he s a critic but I remember the sweet boy who believed in his own vision and if he is talking about blow hard's like John Roach who just puke out the Bell Curve's nonthinking replica's then Mat is right, most art does suck.

    So I don't go to his web site. I just went on to my own survival. But today I just looked him up on wikipedia thinking "i wonder if mat is on wikipedia" and he is:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coagula_Art_Journal

    He started out on the streets of L.A handing out a two page newspaper years ago.

    He empowered my life with this live journal and it was time for him to leave my life because he is such a powerful person that if he had stayed in it i would not have found my power to take this on.

    And Ghost is the love of my life.

    I never had one sexual feeling for the Novice master, David Sylvester gave me the priestly acceptance as a woman struggling with bipolar that that novice master only used and manipulated to achieve a pseudo martyrdom without going to Latin America.

    My mother says in the book, "Terri, if you want to meet a real priest, go to an Indian Reservation and meet a priest who gives his life to the poor."

    Two months after my book is out he's on an Indian Reservation after being in big whig positions all his life. My mother thinks it was banishment i think it was a public relations move involving banishment.

    But the real priest was in our home town. He refused to give Morlino any of our money so we are in debt owing the diocese money and i say amen to that.

    I was repsonsible in that job i had; i earned the county money and people that carried a diagnosis stablized and went on to live independtly.

    this has been an attempt to entrap me.

    Those street wise guys at the parking lot taught me all those years ago "Don't bite the bait. Trust noone. And Silence is power"

    Justice with a sense of the practical is my job. I can leave it at the office and have the ability to be good and loving toward children without putting my agenda of social justice onto them.

    Now, dear Milwaukee have i given you enough to gossip about?
    11:31 am
    Because i love the subject of this poem I am topping my page with it
     Treow
    For my beloved Ghost

    Today, on a drive to Shullsburg, I looked
    at the earth. I saw you, in autumn's hue:
    a tree's bowl of apples laid on the ground
    I saw you. Later, a maple glazed in gold
    leaves from the sun's admiration, I saw
    you. You are with me in the beauty of
    this earth. I wrote a biography of you
    in my head to the Saints, I said to them:
    You see, he gives to the earth. Tears filled
    my eyes upon that declaration, I continued,
    he never sees what the earth can do for him
    he tills the earth his hands on clay, I have
    seen it for years now, this man I call Ghost
    a great spirit loves the earth responsibly
    the earth cultivates his hands with beauty.
    This Tolstoy who left the Academics to live with
    us--- peasants of the earth. He knows that God
    dwells in mud, God so loved Mud that he gave
    us Ghost to show us how to play and bloom."
    The Saints with the last names of Harty, Doyle
    Welch, Hillary, Leahy, Reilly, Maquire, Roddy
    listened to my disertation on you, I felt their
    Gaelic pride, for I have found a man who worships
    earth with love, he gives to Her, not takes from
    Her, day after day, year after year, this Druid
    who knows the Oak, the truth of trees, life, Ah!

    t.doyle
    11/4/09

    Word Origin & History

    Druid

    1509, from O.Fr. druide, from L. Druidae (pl.), from Gaulish Druides, from O.Celt. *derwijes, representing O.Celt. derwos "true" and *dru- "tree" (especially oak) + *wid- "to know" (cf. vision). Hence, lit., perhaps, "they who know the oak." O.E., too, had the same word for "tree" and "truth" (treow). The Eng. form comes via L., not immediately from Celtic. The O.Ir. form was drui (dat. and acc. druid; pl. druad); Mod.Ir. and Gael. draoi, gen. druadh "magician, sorcerer." Not to be confused with United Ancient Order of Druids, secret benefit society founded in London 1781.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    11:28 am
    Scandal is defined as the death of God in the Church
     For those of you who live in fear that this is somehow going to ruin your life being associated with me, first of all i am going to do everything in my power to stay away from you.

    A professor of the education department at the University wrote me long ago, "Teresa there are many who think well of you in this"

    I have a letter from a former lawyer who wrote, "I have had many cases against Marquette University and they will do anything to win a case"

    When i finally got to a pscychiatrist who i could trust he said back in milwaukee, I have seen that University destroy professionals lives.

    We are talking cult here. And if this was in Utah and I was being persecuted it would hit the news but because this order has become main stream and chic to be part of i mean Karen J. Warren ultimate eco feminist at large highlights that she was a Woman's Chair in the humanities dept for Marquette http://www.macalester.edu/~warren/

    I only know about her because she is mentioned as the advisor for Ghost in his dissertation (it's in the library at major universities ---his dissseration is)

    Basically, I want my life back and that life would involve a job where i can take care of my mother and do my writing which does not involve the stalking of my life for an order that is diseased.

    I want people to think, you have been used in this. They let me know through people long ago it was the FBI, and yet you resent me and not their actions.

    I want to write about Ghost. He's my helga project. I have written before that when I found out about Andrew Wyeth's Helga project all those years ago I thought, "oh, i wish i had a helga project" I knew that i wasn't a visual artist and then this past year it hit me, "oh my god, ghost is my helga project. it just happened."

    For you gossipers that gossip and do nothing to help i find you to be demoralizing.
    10:47 am
    life
     I think i am going to stay at mom's even though it's friday; she s not well yet and i don t want to leave her alone.
    10:30 am
    A conversation with David Sylvester
     I have his signature to release this conversation. He died after the conversation, again, injustices find us we don t go looking for them. I was in the grand avenue mall in milwaukee living in Madison when i ran into him. I can tell you he told me that he loved Ted Tyson's uncle who is a Jesuit and was my theology professor in 2 classes.

    The conversation is in my book but I changed names because you know they put the Street Thug attorney and the FBI under JIM Doyle on me. Here I didn t change names, it is in the raw form.

    Well come and get me and let's expose this further:


    You know, your Holiness stubborn hope lived in me that the Order would allow Jesus to return to their residence so that my father’s words, “it’s like riding into Bethlehem” could be true for their town too. I hoped that maybe the scandal would bring the way of Jesus back to their hearts. The hope died for good when I was walking away from a Tyme machine in Milwaukee. I heard a man yelling at me pointing to the Tyme machine to warn me that I left my receipt at the mouth of the machine. I smiled, took the receipt and walked over to him and said, “Hi, David, how are you?!!”
    David smiled and said, “You are from Marquette? I knew it. Sit down honey; let me buy you lunch.”
    I said, “Oh, no, David, I don’t want lunch. I’ll just sit and talk to you for a while. How are you?”
    David was the housekeeper for the Jesuit Residence since his youth and he was now 65. During my darkest hours at Marquette his presence gave me hope that Jesus insisted on being part of the Society of Jesus no matter what their hardened hearts desired. I saw him on campus and counted on him saying, “Hi, Love” whenever he saw me. I was so moved by him that I spoke of him to my mother. He knew about the Persecuted Jesuit and Sean’s actions toward him. Sean tried to get information out of David, but David would never speak of it. I told my mother that David told me at the time, “They ought to ship them all off to Africa.” Ultimately they did ship Father DiUlio to Ethiopia.
    Because of that comment and other things I told my mother about David; she said to me, “Wouldn’t a few of those super bright Jesuits enjoy his ability to zero in on the truth.”
    I nodded. Even the Jesuit with whom I was involved said that many of the Jesuits were riding on the coat tails of a few super bright Jesuits. He himself said that he was not a great thinker. I imagined that there were a few Jesuits who appreciate the accuracy of David’s perception. David’s inability to read written words allowed him to read people in an innocent an accurate manner. It gave me hope during their persecution of me that he always found me lovable. I valued his respect so much that I never asked him to tell me anything about the Jesuit Residence where he worked for decades as their housekeeper. I did tell Father Thelen, the former provincial; that I thought David was the face of Christ in their Order. Father Thelen told me in the most sincere manner, “David is a good man.” Father Thelen’s tone of voice conveyed that he meant it.
    Of course the part of me that studied theology believed that it was special that David was the name of the Messiah in the Old Testament who was replaced by Jesus in the New Testament. David Sylvester carried Bethlehem or the presence of Love in his whole being. The day he called me to have lunch with him on the food court at the Grande Avenue Mall after I had graduated from the University I felt as if I were having a special meeting with God’s representative on earth who spoke plain and simple. You know, like the late Cardinal O’Connor from New York spoke. On that chance meeting with David after I graduated, I did not expect to hear that the Rector of the Jesuit Residence had kicked David out of the house.
    I asked David if I could interview him for my letters to you and told him that I intended to publish the letters. I considered an audience with David Sylvester, a housekeeper for the Jesuits, to be more important for my spiritual growth than an audience with you, your Holiness. I sat with him in the smoking section as he smoked a cigarette above his left over spaghetti from Rocky Rococo’s. He said, “I had a heart attack.”
    I said, “Oh, no, David. Should you be smoking?”
    He lifted up his short blue sleeve from his light blue collared shirt to show me a patch that was lighter than a band aid and that blended in with the color of his skin. I asked him, “Is that a patch to help you quit smoking?’
    He said, “No, it is the medicine for my heart. I had a heart attack after the Jesuits fired me.”
    My bottom lip left my top lip to release the sound of sorrow. I could not believe that he was thrown out of the community too. I had first heard that they did it when a Clarke student who is a niece of a Jesuit told me that they threw her brother out of their school because he would not conform in the early 1980’s and he went home to shoot himself in the head. I had already written you about the restraining orders they used against people who questioned but now David, the one person in their midst who gave me hope for their souls was kicked out and emotionally tortured like the rest of us. The difference was that David was the face of Christ. I felt loved by him in a way that the Jesuit never offered love.
    David told me, “Father Merz never liked me. If you found anything out in the House, he would make you say who told you what.”
    I told my mother what David said after my discussion with him and she said, “What were they afraid of that he knew someone was having sex with someone or what?”
    I said, “I don’t know. There is a joke around town that the Jesuit Residence is a closet with a cross on it.”
    I told her how David said that Father Merz made him sit in a chair for hours if it were known that David knew something that Father Merz did not want him to know. David said to me, “He tortured me.”
    I asked, “What do you mean that he tortured you, David?”
    David put his cigarette out to answer, “Father Merz would keep me in a room for hours saying, ‘Who told you that?’ Father Merz would make me stay in the room. He’d make me sit in a chair for hours. He’d say, ‘Forgive yourself.’ I said to him, ‘I don’t want your prayers.”
    I shuddered, your Holiness. My therapist could attest to you that I told various Jesuits the same thing when they told me that they were praying for me. In fact I went further; I told them that I prayed to the Lord to block any of their prayers from affecting the energy of my soul.
    As I sat in front of David stilled from his testimony, I listened to him say between a puff on his second cigarette, “There’s some bad ones in there. They go into hide. They don’t know what to do with their lives. They aren’t really priests.”
    I listened and documented his testimony with sadness. He added, “I believe in the Lord so badly; the day of my heart attack I said, ‘Lord, I am ready, ‘ but the Lord did not want me yet. I begged Father Merz for my job back. He tried to fire me before but Fr. DiUlio said to Father Merz, “Sorry I have to have David.”
    I wanted to be fair to Father Diulio’s good side so I asked David, “David, What did you like about Father Diulio?”
    David said, “He was one of the best dressed men. I like clothes.”
    I smiled and said, “I am glad he was good for you.” I privately thought that it is the system that is so messed up there that it was hard for many to remain compassionate in that Fr. DiUlio might have maintained a good side in a system that consistently served Love.
    David interrupted my internal analysis to say, “Oh, I know terrible stories about Father DiUlio. I know people he hurt but he was good to me.”
    I smiled and said, “And that is what matters. I am glad he was good for you.”
    David said, “Father Raynor was my favorite.”
    I knew that Father Raynor was sexist. The Jesuit with whom I was involved said that he was called in by Raynor for letting women be involved in the liturgy. The Jesuit yelled at my challenge that he was sexist by saying, “I got my ass reamed out by Raynor over and over for letting women be involved in the Liturgy.”
    I wondered under my audience with David if President Raynor made the Jesuit sit in a chair for hours like Father Merz did with David until David said what Father Merz wanted to hear. David said to me, “He’d make you tell a story his way. He’d want me twisting the story for him.”
    I knew David told the truth because everybody knows that about David, but I also knew from my own experience with Father Merz that David had described the Jesuit’s pattern of intimidation accurately. After I experienced the corruption of the administration trying to destroy the persecuted Jesuit’s life, I was broken. I told Father Thelen that I needed to talk to a priest to help myself to heal. Father Thelen had Father Merz meet with me. Father Merz told me to interpret everything that happened in a positive manner. He also told me not to care what people thought and yet went onto tell me how much it meant to him that Father Thelen thought that Father Merz was able to deal with me. Basically, Father Merz spoke the entire time and had no interest in my grieving. He did not care that my identity as a Catholic was about to break leaving me with no identity at all. I knew David’s perception of Father Merz was true, and the thought of the giant white haired Father Merz holding the five foot David hostage for hours made me outraged.
    I asked David, “What happened to make Father Merz fire you?”
    David answered, “Well, there was a curly headed priest from India who was going to take a fancy job in New York. I asked him as I was sweeping one day, ‘Why don’t you go home to your own country in India to help the poor that needs it bad instead of getting your fancy job in New York? Well he went to Father Merz to ask, ‘Why does David get to know so much about me?’”
    Your Holiness, I could not imagine my brothers or my closest male friends tattling like that to a superior. People tattle to get power. I knew that India has a caste system and that a housekeeper would be the lowest person of importance. Christianity obviously did not challenge the caste system of this priest from India. From all accounts he was taking the prestigious job in New York and tattling on a housekeeper who felt worthy to question him.
    I put my analysis aside to listen as David said, “Father Merz called me and pointed his finger at me, “You’re out of this house. I want you out of the building. You’re fired.”
    Your Holiness, David had worked there since he was in his teen years. That was his community. I valued his life there so much that I never put him in a position to tell me anything about any of them. Previously, when I ran into him, I talked to him about life. He was the one redeeming thing about their community and they threw him out.
    David told my silent sorrow, “I cried for days. I called Father Bigonowski who says Mass for the students in the morning. I said to him, ‘If you cared about me at all, you’d tell him to bring back our David; why don’t you give me my god damn job back.’ Sorry, I swear, honey.”
    I smiled between my sorrow for him and said, “That’s fine.” I knew the real profanity or unholiness was what had been done to David not his saying words someone deemed unclean.
    David said, “Make sure you spell Father Bigonowski’s name right or he’ll get mad. The Lord does not do things the way they are. If they had it in for you they would never forgive you----never.”
    I felt the fatigue of my past struggle with them erupt in me as David told me what I found to be true and said quietly, “I know, David.”
    I asked, “David, why did you work for them so long?”
    David pushed the black plate of uneaten spaghetti away from him and said, “I wanted to do something good with my life. After they did that to me I didn’t know how to feel about religion. I cried for days. I was there for almost 50 years. Then I had the heart attack and none of them came to see me. The help told them that I was ill and not one of them came to see me.”
    I thought of Jimmy Hicks, a Shullsburg man who had worked for my parents for years in the little town where my parents had their feed store. Jimmy got cancer in 1971 and my parents put a notice in the paper that Jimmy loved to hear from his old friends while in the hospital in Madison. My mother took Jimmy’s wife to see her husband almost every day. Mom packed a picnic lunch to take us to the zoo while Mary visited her husband. As David told me his story I wondered how any former employer could neglect a beloved employee in his moment of need, but then I remembered that this was not just any employer; this was a group of people that handled human relations by taking people to court to shut them down.
    David broke my recall of how my parents’ treated a former employee to tell me, “The Help asked them over and over, ‘where is David?’ and the Fathers said, ‘It’s time for David to retire.’ Father Merz didn’t like the poor.”
    I asked, “What told you that Father Merz didn’t like the poor David?”
    David said, “Why did he hate all of the Help? They didn’t like him either. They’d tell me, ‘We hate him.’ None of them liked him, and there was a lot of help, Honey. He never bothered with them. He never said, ‘nice job or you did a good job here.’”
    I said to David, “I guess Fr. Merz did not realize that Jesus was a carpenter. Jesus was in his midst and he didn’t even know it.”
    David said, “You’ve got it, Honey! If you had money they liked you. I thought that they were for the poor but they wasn’t. That upset me real bad.”
    His pain felt so close to mine. David used different words but it was the same experience. His Heart Quotient was at the genius level in my estimation. He gave me names that would corroborate his account of things. I took the names and did the corroborating just to protect him in case they wanted to attack his person the way that I had seen them attack others.
    One person said to me of David’s firing, “It was done real dirty.”
    I asked David what he thought of the Jesuit who they had persecuted for serving the gay community. David knew all about it. Sean used to try to get information about the Jesuit from David and David would not give it. It was the first time I had ever pursued the topic with David. Now that he was kicked out of the community, too; I thought that it would be ok to ask him about the persecuted Jesuit. David said, “He was good to me. I loved him. He and I were very close. He never had sex with anyone. He would help me and explain to me about life, about things I didn’t understand.”
    So you see, your Holiness, the persecuted Jesuit was good in the eyes of David Sylvester, a true priest in the eyes of the Lord. David asked me at the end of our interview, “Why did they fire me? I cried for weeks.”
    I had to give him an answer, your Holiness that he would believe. I said to him, “You knew too much David. They were terrified of how much you know about their community.”
    He slammed the table and pointed at me, “You’ve got it, Honey!”
    Later as I told my mother about the interview, I said to her, “Ostracizing David from their community is far worse than anything I went through.”
    Mom said, “Yes, it is.”
    I said to mom, “The other reason that they got rid of him was that he is the face of Christ and they could not deal with the lines they crossed to leave the road of Christianity. He was too painful of a reminder of what they have let themselves become. He visits the sick and the old people on his own. I couldn’t tell him that they got rid of him because he is a true disciple of Jesus, and it is too painful for them to experience.”
    Mom said, “I think you’re right.”
    David asked me, “Why are people afraid of dying? I’m not. Do you think we should be afraid of dying? I love everyone of them.”
    I said to David, “Will you pray for me?
    He put his cigarette out and said, “Oh, sure, Honey!”
    I think my life shall be fine now, your Holiness. David Sylvester has me in his prayers. He shows me what it means to have childlike faith that St. Teresa of the Little Flower speaks of. His life makes me think of that line of Emily Dickinson’s, “Instead of getting to heaven at last. I was going all a along."

    The University’s homophobic cover up and their fear of what David knew made me think of what my father’s cousin, Jimmy Doyle said about small town scandal. Jimmy worked at the Catholic Funeral Home for a while in Shullsburg. He had taken a red rose that had fallen from a casket on the way to the church. He handed the rose to my mother on her way into the post office accompanied with his poetics, “A beautiful rose for a beautiful woman.” Then, Jimmy told her of the deceased person’s scandalous past that recently shocked the town. He told her, “They all kept sweeping it under the rug until the rug went, ‘Poof !’”
    Thursday, November 5th, 2009
    7:18 pm
    I just need to read
     Because i have to get a resurge of eneregy to deal with the next year of stalking from the FBI and their street thug attorney's demonization of me.

    So I turned to my sister's live journal. I have the first doll she ever made. She made my choir cover for the Clarke Loras Singers before we toured Europe and I sang in the Messiah.

    So Maripat made a doll, i found out this year that it was her first doll; it's a portrait of who i was back then, covered up sexuality for the church because it was a tunic kind of thing. I didn t have sex, I didn t do drugs, I didn t drink, i merely wrote poetry and well......maripat made a red doll called cardinal woman a few years back as a portrait of me, i have come along way from that first asexual catholic girl.

    Anyway one time i was going to clarke and the president of our condo association Mr. Meyer heard me tell him I was going there to see a play (a play where Bobby Neuman created tree that stole the show as a silent character) Anyway Mr. Meyer told me that he grew up in Iowa and they had Mr. Lease as their high school choir director before he went to teach at Walhert. Mr. Meyer said they called him, "Papa Lease" and Papa Lease would take the choir to sing for the nuns and the nuns liked him so much they hired him in Dubuque.

    I loved Mr. Lease the way that I love Mr. Meyer except I don t give Mr. Meyer the finger. Mr. Lease would come into the Clarke Union to bellow to me, "Helloooooo, Sister"

    I would look at him dead on to give him the finger.

    Mr. Lease would laugh his melodic laugh. He taught me so much creatively even by overhearing him train others.

    So, I call Mr. Meyer, Mr. Meyer out of respect to his face I say, "Rich" but behind his back i say Mr Meyer and i would never flip him the finger.

    Last year was doubly hard after being asked to resign for requesting ADA education because Mr. Meyer was healing and he wasn't around either now he is back on the grounds.

    So anyway I went to my sister tonight and I found that she is reading Ghost's book. She should put what she wrote on his Amazon.com page for his book as a review, her ideas flow with beauty and truth.

    Mom and I had a harvest meal of squash and potatoes and i peeled apples for apples sauce ---thanks to the farmers of the farmers market who give to the Madison Food Pantries. It was delicious. I ll be damned if i feel shame for going it's the University's street thug attorney and the puppet district attorney that caused this.

    I am going to make her another meal before i leave tomorrow because i leave it out or fix it she will eat it otherwise she's gotten to a place where she will eat less nutrient dense food because she is healing.

    She asked me, "What is the steroid for?"

    I responded "The steroid is an anti inflammatory and he cut the dose in half because you were reacting to it, and he gave you a non steroid anti inflammatory eye drop to make up for what he cut out."

    She then had to listen to my list of anti inflammatory foods she shoudl be eating to heal (Listen they work to save hearing loss too) http://www.metabolismadvice.com/anti_inflammatory_food/ Frankly everything is inflammation: they call it heart disease but it is inflammation, they call it pneumonia but it is inflammation they call it arthritice but it is inflammation and since i added omega 3 through out the day along with exercise and minimal meds I have survived being stalked for homophobic priests.

    Her eye hurts and I said "Why don't u put an ice cube in a zip lock bag and hold it on your eye to numb the nerves"

    She's been doing it ever since i got it for her and i continue to get her more ice cubes.

    Leave us alone so I can go out in the world to take care of her. I haven't even been able to get my first grand niece a gift. My first nephew never forgot who i was ---he told stories of my walking to their house in Dubuque when there Dad was a seminarian and i would do things for them with my work study money. So leave us alone and no i am not going to blow just do the right thing and get out of our lives.

    http://hartsong1972.livejournal.com/545763.html
    1:11 pm
    P.S. why i was going to go to the press
     The reason that their attorney called me from London and that Father Persecuted told me that people were calling him all day from the University and Father persecuted said, "Teresa you have really shakened things up here please don t go to the press" is that I told DiUlio's office "You either bring him back or I am going to the press."

    DiUlio wrote me a letter advising me not to go to the press. Tim G read the letter and said, "Doyle i am afraid i am going to find you at the bottom of the river."

    The persecuted priest had done nothing wrong, he just thought outside of the group think box. Others could pull off hanging out with homosexuals there but because he sounded more effeminate he was ostracized.

    He told once in class that when he was is in the Jesuit Novitiate there was a former pro basketball player in the novitiate. He said that he himself was never an athlete but that that pro basketball player made it so much fun and was so good to the people that were not athletes.

    Some people are traumatized by athlete types. I have a brother who was a super athlete in high school and he said about the Colombine shootings "I know that athletes can be cruel to people."

    Those shooters had been traumatized by bullies.

    My beloved Ghost does Crew, he was on the University of Wisconsin's crew team when he went back for his teaching degree after having a science degree and his phd in thinking.

    I used to watch crew with reverence. And he wears a weather coat that has MENDOTA CREW on it. So this individual can also work with people in unison.

    But anyway that's how the press thing came about. Father Thelen told me, "Father Persecuted will never teach in a university again."

    Father Thelen who was the head of the Jesuits in the Wisconsin Province at the time when i exposed the scandal to all sides of the Jesuits and he said, "Teresa you know when to do the right thing."

    You see Father Spy had the hurt homosexual send one sided information to a Cardinal Rome and homophobic rome with its connections to Diulio through Frank Case, SJ through this conservative thinker out ---he was a real priest because he let you argue with him and he still gave you a good grade; that is a real priest.

    Frank Case, SJ was the United States rep for the Black Pope in Rome. (Black Pope is the head jesuit) he told Father Persecuted during a meeting on this at the Jesuit Residence, "Well it is a heterosexual world."

    Meaning no Jesuit could be associated with homosexuals in Rome.

    I mean there was a Jesuit who resigned from the Wisconsin Province the day his lover graduatd from Marquette University's grad school. This guy now teaches theology in Chicago as a lay person.

    But he was part of Leahy's group think tank so it was okay.

    I don t think these are the trees my father wanted me to see differently from an education.
    12:21 am
    Treow (editted Ghost)
     Treow
    For my beloved Ghost

    Today, on a drive to Shullsburg, I looked
    at the earth. I saw you, in autumn's hue:
    a tree's bowl of apples laid on the ground
    I saw you. Later, a maple glazed in gold
    leaves from the sun's admiration, I saw
    you. You are with me in the beauty of
    this earth. I wrote a biography of you
    in my head to the Saints, I said to them:
    You see, he gives to the earth. Tears filled
    my eyes upon that declaration, I continued,
    he never sees what the earth can do for him
    he tills the earth his hands on clay, I have
    seen it for years now, this man I call Ghost
    a great spirit loves the earth responsibly
    the earth cultivates his hands with beauty.
    This Tolstoy who left the Academics to live with
    us--- peasants of the earth. He knows that God
    dwells in mud, God so loved Mud that he gave
    us Ghost to show us how to play and bloom."
    The Saints with the last names of Harty, Doyle
    Welch, Hillary, Leahy, Reilly, Maquire, Roddy
    listened to my disertation on you, I felt their
    Gaelic pride, for I have found a man who worships
    earth with love, he gives to Her, not takes from
    Her, day after day, year after year, this Druid
    who knows the Oak, the truth of trees, life, Ah!

    t.doyle
    11/4/09

    Word Origin & History

    Druid

    1509, from O.Fr. druide, from L. Druidae (pl.), from Gaulish Druides, from O.Celt. *derwijes, representing O.Celt. derwos "true" and *dru- "tree" (especially oak) + *wid- "to know" (cf. vision). Hence, lit., perhaps, "they who know the oak." O.E., too, had the same word for "tree" and "truth" (treow). The Eng. form comes via L., not immediately from Celtic. The O.Ir. form was drui (dat. and acc. druid; pl. druad); Mod.Ir. and Gael. draoi, gen. druadh "magician, sorcerer." Not to be confused with United Ancient Order of Druids, secret benefit society founded in London 1781.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    12:05 am
    Hey dear Novice Master
     we just missed each other in Asbury Dubuque Iowa.

    Hey i just googled you, i mean if i am going ot be stalking you i want to know where you are and well i was at that Asbury Church of the Resurrection parking lot in September, i was lost out in Asbury and
    here you the 66 year old man that you are were there to plead the case of the Indians on the reservation because they consider that church out there in dakota to be your sister church.

    Oh, and to let the people know how caring you are. Just like those ever so sweet mothers that use their children and make them sick to get attention.

    oh, gee, i bet you thought of me didn't you? I am so glad that I didn t turn into that church parking lot until september you don t think they will consider that stalking when you were therre on the last week of August do you? oh gee, i am sorry Father.

    Makes me sick that you were in Dubuque and it makes me sick that kids from Shabbaz High School in Madison go out to that Indian Reservation where you have been banished from all those powerful positions you held in milwaukee for years

    and you know this kid who is my neighbor plans to go to Shabbaz, he'll probably go to Indian Reservation i'll make sure to send cookies for you with him.

    Oh, and Ghost told the kid according to the kid that ghost sometimes subs at Shabbaz, and well Ghost isn't like you father he introduced himself to the kid according to the kid ghost put out his hand and said, "Hi i am Dr. B"

    Ghost has boundaries, remember your white collar that you would like to leave unbottoned and have people call you rick because you didn t wan to be called Father, Father?

    Thinking women are safe with Ghost.

    Susan Mountin told me, "Oh, Rick likes to think he is the Messiah."

    but really u used me, you didn t have the guts to do the Latin American thing so you used me as your martyrdom.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnchausen_syndrome_by_proxy

    I have to tell you I worked with kids 20 years younger than me, oh gee father these kids were gangsta stuff i don t think they would be of your element, great poets oh i know you don t like anger it's just not nice is it. Well i ll tell you this i would look at these kids ----i think 20 is still a kid and i as a 40 year old would wonder "what were you doing with me?"

    Oh, i know that you wanted to be considered the great messiah but they called me, "Mother Teresa"

    Oh, strict as I was and protective too goal oriented and they could give me their anger and despite my demands for their being true to who they were they still insisted on calling me "mother teresa" imagine that canonized from the ghetto folk father and you still seaking it from your brothers.

    You taught me what not to do to the human soul as a service provider.

    Gee next time you're in dubuque let's do tea. Well as long as you promise not to put hemlock in mine, i do think i have suffered enough from your pathetic dis ease.

    read this, my mother says you were banished to the Indian Reservation after it came out,

    http://openlibrary.org/b/OL11870195M/Love_Letters_to_Pope_John_Paul_II

    I mean it came out, people called and the next thing we hear you're out with the Native Americans.

    By the way there never would have been a book if you people have left me alone and let me go on with my life.

    and the reason i was able to document on the Jesuit who was persecuted is that you taught me how unfair and unjust Jesuits can be so though I tried to stop the scandal for a year. I did know enough from your treatment of me to document document document. And well that street thug attorney you all turn to sure did add to the documentation.

    And then the revealing Jesuit letters came how good is that.

    So I do believe what the woman said about David Letterman's harassment of her and her decision to get out "injustices find us."

    Are you interested of when i fell in love with Ghost?

    Well, the first time i started changing was when he showed anger, he's not a fraud and then this article about women finding their voices ---it cinched the deal.

    http://djbuege.com/voluntour.html
    Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
    10:23 pm
    And Patrick
     And patrick, patrick came through me, he remembered the times i came through for him. I forgot to list him as a person who came through.

    I told michele of a former person we worked with, "I liked him because his joy reminded me of patrick."

    She said, "He is kind of like Patrick. Patrick is so much fun, i wish he would come to town again."

    When i am with patrick i end of laughing from this deep and wonderful place; we laugh together.

    Tonight mom talked to me aabout how John Girsham approaches novels. i am moving into a differ4nt type of writing with a pen name

    and my dream is to go to Ireland with Patrick ......my mother has seen the world because of Patrick and i want to see Boston where he lives part time. and i want to spend time in the Kennedy library .....
    10:18 pm
    Treow
     For my beloved Ghost

    Today, on a drive to Shullsburg, I looked
    at the earth. I saw you, in autumn's hue:
    a tree's bowl of apples laid on the ground
    I saw you. Later, a maple glazed in gold
    leaves from the sun's admiration, I saw
    you. You are with me in the beauty of
    this earth. I wrote a biography of you
    in my head to the Saints, I said to them:
    You see, he gives to the earth. Tears filled
    my eyes upon that declaration, I continued,
    he never sees what the earth can do for him
    he tils the earth with love and play, I have
    seen it for years now, this man I call Ghost
    a great spirit loves the earth responsibly
    and plays, and his hands are of beauty, this
    Tolstoy who left the Academics to live with
    us peasants of the earth. He knows that God
    dwells in mud, God so loved Mud that he gave
    us Ghost to show us how to play and bloom."
    The Saints with the last names of Harty, Doyle
    Welch, Hillary, Leahy, Reilly, Maquire, Roddy
    listened to my disertation on you, I felt their
    Gaelic pride, for I have found a man who worships
    earth with love, he gives to Her, not takes from
    Her, day after day, year after year, this Druid
    who knows the Oak, the truth of trees, life, Ah!

    t.doyle
    11/4/09

    Word Origin & History

    Druid

    1509, from O.Fr. druide, from L. Druidae (pl.), from Gaulish Druides, from O.Celt. *derwijes, representing O.Celt. derwos "true" and *dru- "tree" (especially oak) + *wid- "to know" (cf. vision). Hence, lit., perhaps, "they who know the oak." O.E., too, had the same word for "tree" and "truth" (treow). The Eng. form comes via L., not immediately from Celtic. The O.Ir. form was drui (dat. and acc. druid; pl. druad); Mod.Ir. and Gael. draoi, gen. druadh "magician, sorcerer." Not to be confused with United Ancient Order of Druids, secret benefit society founded in London 1781.
    10:17 pm
    My sense of justice
     The night Mike Goudy met me in Milwaukee we were out pre collecting for cars for theatre and he came over to my lane to help a woman who had asked me a question and after she left I said to him, "If i need your help, I will ask for it other wise stay in your lane."

    And he went in to tell Ken who was the manager, "Teresa is a femi nazi"

    Ken said, "You've got Teresa all wrong."

    And well years went by in that platonic cave of the underground parking lot and though Ken got me right away Mike Goudy struggled to figure me out.

    Toward the end he said, "You are just your own person."

    I asked, "Does that bother you?"

    He said, "Actually i find it to be refreshing."

    Then, he said toward the end, "You are plush velvet over steal"

    I had a friend from Clarke say to me, "You have an incredible sense of justice."

    Just this week i figured out that that steal is my sense of justice.

    And for you group thinkers that would like to categorize me I do not put my agenda onto children.

    In fact I thought when I watched Dead Poet Society on the day that my father died, I came out called home and found that he had died I thought that Robin William's character the teacher was pathetic because he let that kid go home with his father

    You don t tell kids how hopeless it is. You give them a vision that this is for now and how do you plan to get through this until you are on your own?

    I told the great Ross Carter back in grad school oh you know Ross liked me until he found out I was "that woman" yeah Ross said, "you are obviously very bright and you ahve the ability to manipulate abstract thoughts to see relationships between them that people furhter along in the field can't do."

    well, then he came after me but he did agree with me that that teacher was a fraud.

    so while you parents want to believe that i am awful for your children go ahead and believe it but I do not put my agenda on children nor did i put it on clients.

    So my new neighbor told me of her son, "I feel completely safe to let him go any where with you."

    Most of the time we are having fun.
    9:45 pm
    How I really feel (editted) with Gerry Boyle info
     I will top my page with the Poem inspired by Ghost who in his book http://djbuege.com/ states that he is inspired by Live Oak where as Red Oak does nothing for him.

    At Clarke, my freshman year I would say what I thought and felt, and the table i sat at would ask, "Terri, how do you really feel about that."

    I have since learned that my choice of accessing feelings and knowing what I want has led me to an amazing power of self knowledge.

    Oh, and for those of you, you know you groupies who like to talk about me with each other as if I am an object and convince yourselves that if only I would have kept my mouth shut that the FBI would not be on me well, for you who love to gossip if you are curious how Ghost looks buy his book, and you will see this beautiful man. I told him through the floor it's as if having your picture taken is painful for you because you don t want to be trapped in a certain image. He's just lovely.

    I am tired of being stalked.

    Today Mom and I talked politics. I said that I wish Kathleen Falk would see the legacy that she is leaving as Dane County's Executive and skip running for Governor.

    Mom said Tommy Thompson is thinking of running. She said, "If he were governor you wouldn t be stalked right now."

    WEll he was governor when it started but Doyle was the Attorney General and their attorney and district attorney who ended up taking lots of money for his retirement as the District Attorney and well he lets the University dictate who should be charged and who shouldn't

    Case and point: The hurt homosexual was being charged with forgery (medical college psychiatrist and Jesuit involved)

    but then President Diulio met with the District Attorney the night before the charge to say "a case involving homosexuality would not be good for the University."

    So (i have this documented in Jesuit Letters and on tape) the District Attorney walked into the meeting the next day to change his decision.

    Oh do you see why Morlino is frustrated? He's from an order of priests that are used to dictating.

    So Doyle being Attorney General and needing Milwaukee And Doyle had Governor Patrick Lucy as the head of his campaign for governor and Father Lucey hated me. Imagine that.

    Well, Doyle as DOJ brought this stalking onto my life and they know there is nothing on me and they tell the innocent we are trying to find out who told her what, whey they told me

    For instance coming into Shullsburg. And I am going to use the school board member who calls his wife, "THE WIFE" and ran out on her and she caught him and he told "The WIFE" "there have been more than her' and her mother told her to stay with him because who would she be if she wasn t "THE WIFE"

    Can you imagine referring to a human being as an object, "THE WIFE" and he ended up running out on her for years and well he is in my novel as a dark character I will use his language "the wife" in this character that is opposit of the character inspired by Ghost.

    So anyway I am tired of it and I want my life back and i think it's disgusting that you listen to my life.

    II am disgusted by lawyers who run to my family if i seek help. One of them lied and said that i was out of control.

    1) i called and his secretary put me right through.
    2) no attorney is interrupted in a meeting for the likes of me.

    He lied, he called my brother just like one did last year. I am done with all of you,
    and you get rewards like the first attorney who lied and they were monitoriing me and they told him i might call well he got a position in the department of revenue a big position for doing what Doyle wanted.

    You are a pig Jim Doyle. Mat Gleason remains a prophet because he told me when you got elected, "Terri these people are transitory."

    Mat knew i would be sad upon your election given your participation and facilitation of this stalking and he wrote, "Oh, it's not so bad when you are pulled over by the police you can tell them that he is your uncle."

    Where are you going Uncle Jimmy?

    I am outraged that my life is so violated and you know I am good with clients

    This has been awful and I am tired of those who show no loyalty. I used to be sad and apologizing.

    Forget it, i will do you a favor i will stay out of your life and you stay out of mine.

    And so despite the fact that I was able to run a place and earn Kathleen Falk's Budget money while keeping people stabilized i was let go because of this.

    Oh, it's ok i found a new path and Novemer 12 is a big party day a year from being fired and Michele has recently told me how people she and i once worked with together will ask her, "Do you what happened to Teresa?"

    These are people who are suffering from the diagnosis of schizophrenia and bipolar.

    I told a woman last week at work "I am bipolar"

    She looked at me with her mouth dropped, "You?" I nodded. And she said, "They must have found the right medicine for you" She shook her head with confusion indicating her continued disbelief that i carry diagnosis.

    I said, "Medication is only one part of it, i really work on myself."

    And well, my beloved father told me, "Doyle's are like indians they shouldn t drink. Don't ever drink."

    I adored that man.

    Can you imagine a man who would be 86 now writing his 27 year old daughter, "You could hold the world in the palm of your hand."

    Is that what i am doing with this invasive stalking?

    The goal has been to get me to blow up and call the Novice Master so you can get me for stalking.

    I am not a sneak; i am right out there. The guy is a loser. He takes from the earth. He has to tell you that he lays on the earth and that way you are suppose to think, oh you are remarkable.

    Women like the earth were a place for him to dump and i would refuse the role and he hated that i didn t think he was king of the earth.

    Yet, he never let me go until i threw such a scene in Berkley on the phone to ensure that his brothers would never let him near me.

    And then I told Father Thelen who wrote "WE know all about you" I said back, "If you knew all about me, why did you let that man be in my life all those years."

    I was ready to go when I left there in 1984, and i have former Clarke friends who can attest that he came to Clarke from his life as the Novice Master in St. Paul Minnesota. The rest of his life he spent in big whig positions in Milwaukee until my book came out and my mother says "they banished him."

    I affectionately call Ghost, "you ass whole" through our Berlin floor. I laugh because I tell Ghost that the Novice Master said, "Teresa I could never love you becuase you called me an ass whole'

    So why work on destroying me ? Because I don t think you are the messiah of the world?

    So dear Michele tells me about these people asking her "Where is Teresa?" I am moved because these people struggle against a brilliance called schizophrenia.

    I remember the night i met Poem. I knew he was brilliant. He had the kind of brilliance Terry Tyson has with out scyzophrenia.

    So for years i managed the stalking because i worked with these people who see the world in a different way and they know truth.

    And you see, you can t this population they know the cons from the group.

    And they ask of me. I have just been trying to heal.

    God has been gracious and good in this because I have Michele.

    And these two women moved in with their child. And yesterday one of the women and i went to a food pantry and I said to her, "There is no secret to my life i just fucking love it."

    No i don t like being stalked and mocked and violated and it is rape violating my privacy the manner in which it is violated. But i have learned to live in spite of it.

    My friend/neighbor said, "Oh Teresa i feel the same way that s what i want on my tombstone 'i fucking loved it' i don t want my name or anything else.'"

    She's amazing soul.

    And their child is my new buddy. I take him to the library, we talk and laugh. He told me, "I like talking to you because you are wise and a lot fun. You are really fun."

    My mom said of Maine not supporting gay marriage last night "Your two friends might be upset."

    I said, "They didn t mention it but i think lesbians have been through so much suffering that they just don t react to all injustices as they age they get used to it."

    Perhaps i am talking abou myself in this stalking.

    I gave to people who later just became embarassed by all of this.

    This demonization has been immoral. It's wrong that you corrupt the innocent in this stalking of my life for the University.

    And I was good with that population and i will continue to be becuase I am going to re unite with some of them after november 12 th and the year is up.

    they will be welcome at our parties and our fun becuase I am never working in the mental health field again.

    I am also tired of apologizing to suburban types who if you say something about the divide between the haves and the have nots you are suddenly radical.

    You ever meet these people who require apologies. When do they ever apologize? I do not require apologies from people and i am finished giving them. Don't like me?? oh well.

    I love my life. Oh, my god I love it.

    I love where I live. I love my friends. Tonight Amanda left a message and then C called while i was on the way to mom's and her partner and son are just part of my life.

    He's a bright kid who is fun. I told mom, "I think he will be in my life the rest of my life."

    Through him i have seen how wonderful Madison Schools are on the North, East and South Side. These teachers are changing the world by providing community to paretns that are struggling financially, i mean you have people like Ghost who has a phd and teaching these kids and they are fabulous teachers.

    my mother volunteered at Blackhawk Middle School a couple of years ago and she brought back the stories of how they used conflict resolution with their kids.

    So while you rich suburban folks are sheltering children from "that element" these brilliant, creative teachers like Ghost and Vikki Kratz are changing the world that the element does not lose their voice as the blow hard John Roach would like but rather they excel. (Imagine Vikki Kratz worked for Mother Jones before she came to work for the Isthmus to get another degree at the UW in education. I do my part for education by being quiet by 9 pm so that the teachers who sandwich me in my condo one below one above can sleep and as i told my mom, it's a sacrifice because i am naturally expressive.")

    It has been a long and painful road. All i did was expose a scandal against a conservative Jesuit. My brother, Patrick, heard the conservative Jesuit on a tape from the answering machine. Patrick isn't easily fooled he has been a student of the world and he said all those years ago, "Terri he sounds sincere."

    I said, "He is."

    Patrick said, "He also sounds effeminate."

    I said, "Thats why they are doing this."

    Gerry Boyle was calling from london England to get me to stop from going to the press with what i had. And well, Father Persecuted said, "teresa you have really shaken things up here please don 't go to the press."

    Boyle's on the voice mail saying, "As i say Teresa I am calling you from london..."

    Patrick listened and said, "Terri he is trying to impress you that he is calling you from London"

    Hah, his daughter broke up a marriage. Look on ccap she got a restraining order against her husbands wife before the Catholic annulment, did you get an annulment for her Gerry?

    My brother, Patrick, is the one who was asked to go to MIT from MIT, and he said, "Terri, you have got them by the balls."

    I said, "Patrick that is vulgar."

    He said, "Terri, I don't know what else to say. I can't believe my sister pulled this off."

    Well, do you see why they came after me? and they didn t predict that the sexual scandals would come out and you have seen for yourself Madison who the Jesuits in power act look how Morlino is.

    How can you allow this to continue?

    And i didn 't agree with that conservative Jesuit in class. I argued passionately with him on women's issues. I told him that St. Augustine was strangling the Church with shame in his original sin doctrine.

    I told my Aunt Ann who is my mother's sister who taught at McGill http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGill_University I told her that he brought in a stack of six books to dispute me in the next class.

    My aunt said, "Oh, he was treating you like an equal. He thought what you said had power and instead of dismissing it he argued with it."

    At one point about patriarchy i told him, "we are all just waiting for all of you to die."

    And there were times where we did agree and I made a statement about St. Ignatius versus Martin Luther and the soon to be persecuted Jesuit said to me, "That is brilliant theologians are writing books on that very idea."

    But we argued and my style is up front it's not sneaky.

    You see it doesn t matter that Diulio was accused of being a homosexual in his rise of administrtaion because he was a manly one if he was in deed gay and as the Jesuit wrote in the letter about Diulio being accussed of being a homosexual in his rise in adminstration, the jesuit wrote, "Of course the order shut the young man down."

    Just like madison Catholics came through when the Jesuit Bishop Morlino tried to punish Catholics for not giving him money to build a Cathedral and shut down the Catholic Multi Cultural Center in the resource poor neighborhood the madison catholics came through

    There is a Catholicism that defies politics and it is where conservative and liberal Catholics come togeher and it is called social justice

    And it is that Catholicism that works to be a bridge between the rich and the poor.

    I am not against people having money but a CEO making 25 million on the backs of people disgusts me.

    And the groupies all want to know people who make money and have nice houses then the group thinkers think "Oh, i am somebody"

    It's like this restaurant that was in Milaukee called ELSA's the wait staff were so snobby because though they were merely servers they served the rich of milwaukee and they acted as if that made them important.

    I'll tell you what makes me important being able to relate to people on the street who carry the diagnosis of schyzophrenia -----they are great poets and voices of truth and while all of you are in a group discussing who does the best plastic surgery you are missing the prophets of the world.

    I learned a great lesson never blame their family's for their illness and never betray them by going to their families as a service provider to talk about them to their families.

    I have had it done twice and i am tired of it.

    So while you gossip and send up your conveninent easy prayers know that i am financially broke and i will survive and no one will ever call me "the wife" because i am my own person and no mother of mine would require I stay in a marriage where a thug runs out on his wife potentially giving her std's and when she catches him he tells her "she's not the rist one" to hurt her and i bet he went to work the next day to say of his object/ his possession, "The wife and i had it out last night."

    I just thought i would give you something to gossip about in shullsburg, you know who he is.

    All i did was expose a persecution of Jesuit who was conservative while a little red headed boy followed Father Leahy to the car carrying Leahy's bags (i worked in the parking lot by the president and vice presients's office) and let me tell you that red headed boy was a flamer. But no one went after leahy he went on to Boston College.

    so are we having fun yet?

    You tell the Novice Master I will stalk him. When i find out that he is buried in a grave somewhere I will find it and i will come to it and i will spit on it. You tell him that. Tell him he's a fucking ass hole. That might kill his ego give him a heart attack and let the spitting begin.

    this stalkign of me by that institution is his legacy.



    I heard the woman writer who was harassed by David Letterman as a writer and though it was her dream job she got out of there and she said, "We do not choose our injustices they find us."

    I am telling you that that scandal was thrown into my lap. And i tried to stop it on my own for a year until i finally showed all sides of Jesuits what was going on.

    I was destroyed, my faith, and then i had these shrinks from the medical college on me.

    For those of you who feel so bad, fuck you for your lack of bravery. the only person who has come through financially for me other than my mother is my sister maripat.

    The rest of you can go to hell with your gossip and i hope none of your children ever need help because i guarantee you there are more people like you out there tthat sit by and do nothing.

    We have no money because of this stalking and then the firing and i know what i would do i would secretly send people money if they needed it and i would certainly work behinds the scenes to stop this stalking of my life and invasion of my privacy

    I will be damned if i will be ashamed of going to a food pantry. Initially when i moved here i was. i had nothing. but no more.

    Face book is the epitome of group think, do you know what kind of meal you like without asking your friends?

    My dear Michele and Steve had me for dinner last night. Michele said, "Steve was out the other night and he spoke of you at a dinner party and he said, 'my friend said...'"

    I want steve to think about submitting arts articles for the Isthmus, his perspective on the creative is wonderful.

    he has great many friends in this town.

    He's honorable.

    Last night we listened to the Bob Dylan Christmas CD

    It was a wonderful night and their deaf dog loves me. I love their deaf dog.

    She and i wrote today"

    I wrote to her:

    Today, I fed on the fall out from a great night with you and with steve.
    Your story telling keeps me in great joy. You remain a fine piece of
    literature. I ll say it to you again, I was around drama types that played
    great characters in literature, but I'd rather have a real friend who is a
    great piece of literature then hang out with those that merely act. You are
    wild and I love our time together and I love your dogs, I am the luckiest
    person in the world I can't wait to get steve the virgin mary to put in that
    tiny shrine space you use for your phone and maybe he will think he is
    having an appirition given his Catholic Background. I love my life in
    Madison and you are my dear, dear friend. It's so much fun
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ----- Original Message -----
    From: Michele
    To: roddy
    Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2009 9:00 AM
    Subject: hi Roddy


    > Hey you, i had a blast with you last night and steve said twice how nice
    it was having you over. so you made our night. i hope your drive was
    peaceful. i feel good today and centered and i know being with you last
    night helped me---talking about things and sharing things with you means so
    much to me. i keep thinking it will be light when i get up because of the
    time change but it is still dark at 5:40. thinking of you, M
    8:25 pm
    Heart Attack news for Women
     This e mail was sent to Mom from one of her Clarke Classmates


    Subject: Fwd: New aspirin for heart attacks




    New aspirin for heart attacks
    IMPORTANT READ.....

    Something that we can do to help ourselves. Nice to know.
    Bayer is making crystal aspirin to dissolve instantly on the tongue. They
    work much faster than the tablets.

    Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
    About Heart Attacks

    There are other symptoms of an heart attack besidesthe pain on the left arm.
    One must also be aware ofan intense pain on the chin,as well asnauseaand
    lots ofsweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
    Note:There may be NO pain in the chest during a heart attack.
    The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their
    sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you
    up from your deep sleep.

    If that happens,immediately dissolvetwo aspirinsin your mouthand swallow
    them with a bit of water.
    Afterwards:
    -phone a neighboror afamily member who lives very close by
    -say"heart attack!"
    -say that you havetaken 2 aspirins.
    -take a seat on a chair or sofanear the front door, andwait for their
    arrivaland...
    ~do NOT lie down~

    A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this e-mail,
    sends it to 10 people, probably one life can be saved!

    I have already shared the information- - What about you?

    Doforward this message; it may save lives!
    6:42 pm
    Treow
     For my beloved Ghost

    Today, on a drive to Shullsburg, I looked
    at the earth. I saw you, in autumn's hue:
    a tree's bowl of apples laid on the ground
    I saw you. Later, a maple glazed in gold
    leaves from the sun's admiration, I saw
    you. You are with me in the beauty of
    this earth. I wrote a biography of you
    in my head to the Saints, I said to them:
    You see, he gives to the earth. Tears filled
    my eyes upon that declaration, I continued,
    he never sees what the earth can do for him
    he tils the earth with love and play, I have
    seen it for years now, this man I call Ghost
    a great spirit loves the earth responsibly
    and plays, and his hands are of beauty, this
    Tolstoy who left the Academics to live with
    us peasants of the earth. He knows that God
    dwells in mud, God so loved Mud that he gave
    us Ghost to show us how to play and bloom."
    The Saints with the last names of Harty, Doyle
    Welch, Hillary, Leahy, Reilly, Maquire, Roddy
    listened to my disertation on you, I felt their
    Gaelic pride, for I have found a man who worships
    earth with love, he gives to Her, not takes from
    Her, day after day, year after year, this Druid
    who knows the Oak, the truth of trees, life, Ah!

    t.doyle
    11/4/09

    Word Origin & History

    Druid

    1509, from O.Fr. druide, from L. Druidae (pl.), from Gaulish Druides, from O.Celt. *derwijes, representing O.Celt. derwos "true" and *dru- "tree" (especially oak) + *wid- "to know" (cf. vision). Hence, lit., perhaps, "they who know the oak." O.E., too, had the same word for "tree" and "truth" (treow). The Eng. form comes via L., not immediately from Celtic. The O.Ir. form was drui (dat. and acc. druid; pl. druad); Mod.Ir. and Gael. draoi, gen. druadh "magician, sorcerer." Not to be confused with United Ancient Order of Druids, secret benefit society founded in London 1781.
    Monday, November 2nd, 2009
    12:35 pm
    Dear Ghost
     Thank you.

    Last night I drove into Sherman Terrace and got to the back where we park. A man on a bicycle was there and all i could see was his eyes in the dark. It occured to me later that he had on a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up. He just stared into my car in the midnight moon.

    I gave thanks that I saw him and didn t hit him because he wore dark clothes and was hard to see.

    Well, then i went to the last parking spot by your window.

    And i was gathering my stuff now statitics show that women are most often attacked when they get into their car or get out of their car when they stop to do things in their cars, it's like the bathroom stall is for women a place to get away.

    But i saw the man ride his bicycle back in from my review mirror. I looked toward him and he said, "Excuse me" At which point i pushed the remote control lock button on my car which made it beep and blink. Seeing that I had a noise maker and could possibly it the horn button to blast continuously he said, "I am sorry I thought you were somebody else."

    At which point he heard and I heard your steal window lift up which told him that i was not alone as he had assessed me to be when he looked into my car earlier and made eye contact with me 3 feet from my car.

    Your window opening clinched my safety.

    I told my mom and she said, "Oh, he is up at all hours."

    She once said long ago, "I think he knows everything that is going on in this neighborhood."

    Anyway, thank you for your loud silence. I feel safe in it.
    12:17 pm
    Dear Bill Lueders
     Friday night I found a local information station featuring a listening session with Tammy Baldwin and some of her constituents.

    At first I thought, "Oh, poor her." as I listened to people, but then this father got up to speak. The heat in his words made his delivery pulse from a place that writers recognize as a truth.

    He spoke of his daughter's traumatic brain injury resulting from a vehicle ramming into her from behind at a stop sign at the speed of 85 mph.

    The car insurance paid her 100,000.00 in damages.

    WPS and her employer Watertown Hospital are sending the woman letters threatening a law suit.

    The father said that he did not think that people were aware that there is an agreement that car insurance rewards must go to the health insurance company for any expenses and yet we are obligated to have the car insurance even though rewards go to the health insurance industry for body injuries.

    This father reminded Representative Baldwin that he spoke with her a year ago and there was a photo in the newspaper with him and her and the story.

    He reminded her that on the way out she promised to help him.

    He told her that she struck him as a compassionate person. He reminded her that she gave him a card to a person to call in her office---a woman with the name sounding like torten...... I can't remember.

    Then, he said that her office told her that they are not lawyers. They merely sent him a booklet on HIPPA and on Women's Health Issues.

    That is pathetic.

    Tammy Baldwin said that they are not lawyers and can't give advice in the office because that is illegal but they can give information on community resources.

    I wanted to know Bill Lueders because you are the only voice of truth in publication now that Vikki Kratz is teaching children how to think as a teacher, Does Tammy Baldwin receive campaign funds from WPS Insurance

    Because it seems to me that she is to be a voice for the people you know like Brenda Konkel continues to be and that a call to WPS to inquire about why they need 100,000.00 from a brain injury patient is at order and there is nothing legal about that.

    So I went to Baldwin's website today with the belief that they only photo ops i see her on is with military folk and never female military folk becuase I guess that would seem too lesbianish for our luke warm gay rights lesbian http://tammybaldwin.house.gov/

    And sure enough there is picture with a white male marine on her website.

    And it seems to me that her staff is inept and in an ivory tower because what I would have inquired to that man is "what are the limitations of your daughter's injuries?" IS she going to be able to work soon or is she going to need care now? IF the answer to the latter is yes then i would let this caring father know that 100,000.00 unnless put into a trust fund could hurt his daughter's chances of getting help from the system.

    I suggest that Tammy Baldwin get some people on her staff that know community resources to give useful insight on the system. Sending that family those information books on HIPPA and Women's Health Issues was cold and unfeeling in that it was a way for them to document on their computer file that they responded.

    I don t understand how Tammy Baldwin can be a voice against the injustice to the Palestinians and yet miss this opportunity to represent the people against WPS an insurance company that people on the Isthmus Daily Page have referred to as Women's Prison System because they employ women at low level pay.

    I wish you would investigate these issues.

    The father was probably a republican but he tore at my heart and he spoke truth at the end as he said to her, that he just had this to say about health care reform,, how can you people expect us to be for health care reform when you don t even know what is in the bill.

    I wish you would follow up on this story. I don 't blame Tammy Baldwin, her staff is another thing and she needs to get an advocate on her staff for health issues to give information on how the system works because if she had that staff she may have been able to say to the father, Listen you are right the system is unfair and we can work with you to change that car insurance health care dilemna but to help your daughter at this time it might not be in her best interest to have that money if she needs help because they will hold that money against her.
    Friday, October 30th, 2009
    3:43 pm
    Madison Magazine roughed up the texture of it's cover
     If it walsk like a duck it's still a duck

    http://6authored2.livejournal.com/1758735.html

    I wrote that poem last month and this month you can almost say it's of real paper and why Neil Heinen shows he's not one of the West Side Elitist Liberals because why Neil credits his hygenist Kelly as being the best Hygenist in the world. Maybe Neil was afraid of a lawsuit from a patient in the dr.'s office who slides on his plastic paper and kills herself.

    And well, Neil even name drops Bill Lueders in his editor's page.

    Bill Lueder's and Madison Magazine? Say it aint so Joe?

    Well, my mom was getting eye surgery so I looked and then I looked at the writer of the group thinkers, John Roach, a blow hard that refuses to choke to death.

    John Roach projects his real self onto Madonna in the opening part of his blow hard column.

    He mentions that he sees her on Letterman and well how dare she get what he perceives to be plastic surgery that does not meet his standards.

    Notice he did not have a word to say about Letterman and his 15 male writers (no female writers on Letterman's staff and now I get all the slams against women) No Roach only cared that Madonna didn t get the look the that he deemed acceptable.

    Roach then practices leveling----it's a technique people use unconsciously when they rate their self esteem and place in life compared to others. IF they can make the other person look less good then they put themselves up a notch and they feel better than the person.

    Roach says that the madison women who can afford plastic surgery get what a Madison white male doctor tells him is appropriate plastic surgery.

    Roach tells us that Madonna can't sing and he mentions Bob Dylan in the article. Now can we talk about not being able to sing? I like Dylan.

    What really bothers Roach the-patriachal-want-to-be is that Madonna believes in her voice and she's on Letterman and the best Roach can do is make movies for the Diocese of Madison.

    I believe John Roach would have been one of those white male blow hards coming down on Sinead O'Connor when she ripped up the picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live.

    Oh, I saw men just like him go on Letterman and say, "Well, it's the Pope."

    But it only takes one authentic male to offer healing. And Sinead OConnor was opening for Bob Dylan and the groupies you know the type that get their pictures inside of the Madison Magazine and get appropriate plastic surgery and the same hair cuts for god sake well they booed her.

    There she was standing on that stage, this sensitive soul being booed by groupies and Kris Kristoferson came out onto the stage and hugged her against the boos.

    Ken told me that story and I later saw the clip to it. When Ken told me the story back in the 90's it was so healing for me being up against the stalking.

    Well, Kristoferson was his own person he left his Rhodes Scholar world to go to Nashville to write songs and his mother took him out of the will and he said of leaving the elitist life behind, "It was relieving"

    So I have known the hugs of Kris Kristoferson. I have known it from Ghost for years. The silent sentinel watching the invasion of my life by blow hards like John Roach who will say and do anything the group wants.

    John Roach calls being Catholic hard in "godless madison"

    And in my experience being Catholic has never been easier because in Madison on the side of town that he mocks and makes fun of (*see his article on Brenda Konkel when it was vogue to be against her until the Magazine's Mayor of Hilldale still can't lead and she's not on the council)

    It's easy being Catholic in Madison because the real Madison folks like the ones that watched channel 3 before Neil Heinen came to town to ruin it in the mid 80's well they have shown me that that the secular can be sacred.

    I see no dichotomy in being Catholic and living an authentic Madison life.

    But Roach is a blow hard. He goes after Madonna after Letterman has revealed what a hypocrite he is when all those times he left the role of comedian to play moral code man about Monica Lewinsky. And all roach can write about it "the women in our pages are less plastic then Madonna."

    Does he know her background? He calls her a Catholic Girl? I wasn't even into her music; i was doing my own thing in the 80's but she lost her mother. And she became a force who believed in her voice.

    How dare she? When Roach can't even write a unique article, he's got to do what he thinks the group that booed Sinead O'Connor wants him to do

    that way he can go to his ticky tacky house and pretend that he is a total sell out.

    Oh, and I know Nancy Christy why can' t i just be one of those nice grateful bipolar people you like to help.

    You are all a bunch of frauds and the only people that buy your magazine are doctors and dentists and the people you put inside your pages with the same madions hair cut and the same plastic surgery.

    Roach must have had plastic surgery on the brain because he is fake fake fake ----consistently.

    And bill Lueders don't lose your soul, stay away from Madison Magazine. You have too much integrity.

    Let's have a game ----let's create a poll to see what the groupie subject will be on John Roach's column next month.

    Whatever he thinks the elite wants to hear he will blow out his mouth.

    p.s. Sinead O'Connor was victim of sexual abuse as a child; anyone with any kind of insight would have seen that.

    p.p.s Tell John Roach Madonna doesn t let her children watch tv; they read.
    3:10 pm
    healing
     The most important thing said to me this past week came from Michele, she said, "You are the most independent person I know, but if you need something please tell me."

    It's from being sick.

    I am just worn out and have nothing to give.

    I took Mom to her surgery yesterday and tended to her last night. She's not a problem at all. We have a rhythm down.

    All I need is time alone. I can get time alone with Mom. We have this ability to hang out do our own thing and feel connected.

    She probably made me the independent person that I am.

    I think Michele is fiercly indpendent as well.

    but now I just need time to be alone and breathe. I am going to jump in the car drive to Madisona and just breathe until I go into work tomorrow. It's been a long virus but glad it is not pneumonia.

    And the great news is that Mom's surgery went ok.

    I put anti inflammatory foods out for her---red grapes, walnuts, omega 3 type food. I knew if I put it out that she would eat it.

    I made her homemade chicken noodle soup with slices of carrots, celery and onion while she was getting the surgery and then I drove over to get here.

    I must say she's in much better shape then last surgery and it seemed to have gone well.

    I found her sleeping in one of my chairs at 2 a.m. and I asked her, "Do you want to go to your bed?"

    I turned the big bedroom into a room for her and now a room to watch tv when Ghost and the woman above are sleeping. She sleeps above me. He sleeps in the liviving room so if I watch in the big room I am less likely to disturb them.

    If mom had stayed I would have been able to just hang out but she needed to come home to heal.

    She insisted I get some vitamin C.

    I miss exercising what it does for my mood is amazing.
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