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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in written source's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 17th, 2017
2:45 pm
To The Great Beyond
And if I should live to be
The last leaf upon the tree
In the spring,
Let them smile, as I do now,
At the old forsaken bough
Where I cling.
From "The Last Leaf" by Oliver Wendell Holmes
For my mother, my great teacher

You spoke to me in poems, you
expressed truths of life in the
cadence of the words by poets,
your voice grew soft as you laid
out your truth about life and me:
"I chatter, chatter as I flow to
join the brimming river, for men
may come and men may go,
but I go on forever."  Your words
for my chatty self that forbade
you sleep as my mind expressed
the latest idea or world view.  I
laughed at your poetic observation.
I'd say, "Just one more thing."  You
said you would put that on my grave.
You now are "The Last Leaf" that
you quoted so often, but now you
don't remember and you smile.  I spoke
of your getting your Masters, you smiled
with wonder in your eyes, "Did I get my
Masters?"  I nodded, "At the age of 65"
You don't remember things like that, and
soon you will forget me or I imagine you
will think I am your mother.  I told you
that I should have been your mother, you
said, "No, I had one just like you."  She
wrote, too.  She told her other daughter
of you, " Still Waters run deep." You are
my great teacher of ideas and thinking.
I stayed for the conversations and your
wit.  Now you have shown your life as
a poem, on your way to heaven in peace
smiling with joy of the beauty in sleep.

11:32 am
Already a great day
Today has been good.

This morning a little girl told me, "I am going to miss you, Teresa."

I said, " I am going to be there for a month and if you ever need anything in life you can always contact me."

She is the oldest one of the kids.

Then, I was asked to watch a 3 year old because his school closed.   He and I went to get my lunch and this man put his hands together and bowed to me ever so slightly.   He and I have fast and quick conversations and are friendly with each other.   I have found out that he is smart and he used to do various things together.

And we both don't like the ice we are having.

I am struck when people like this are genuine and kind toward me because of what I have been through.

Then, the 3 year old who told me a couple of weeks ago, "I don't love you."  I said at the time, "That's okay, you know that right?"  He said, 'Yes."

Today he said, 'I love you."

I am struck by positive feedback because of the years of stalking.

I don't talk about it to anyone and never will but I am struck by kindness by people who know nothing about it.

Now, I am hanging with a little boy who simply wants to play !
11:23 am
Useful Article
This article proved to be useful for my workout schedule.

It says that 2 weeks off can reduce the cardiovascular progress.

It also says to alnternate between high intensity and regular intensity and it suggests to spread the weight lifting out into of 5 days workign different parts of the muscle group and then it suggests doing stretching exercises on the day you don't lift weights for flexibility

So I can go to the warm water pool to do this class with an instructor named Marie.   She communicates understanding of the body and I call her class "the jiffy lube class"  because it is so concentrated and I will think that i am not getting anything out of it and I come out feeling so flexible.

Saturday, January 14th, 2017
5:45 pm
3:27 pm
A Plastic life is killing me
This morning I drove through McDonald's.  I ordered scrambled eggs and a drink.  And they put the eggs on a styrofoam plate and a plastic lid and put  it in a plastic bag that has a recycable sign on it but I thought, "I can' t live like this any more."

That was so much garbage for a small meal of two eggs that were $1.50.

I have been reading  things that the artist/activist Dianna Cohen says about plastic and the ocean.   Her aim is to promote the  disuse of one time plastic because the earth does not absorb plastic and the ocean is being filled with it.  I know that there is a place in the ocean where all the plastic gathers.

For years I have been going from here to there, trying to stay afloat.

I drove to see Mom today.  She is happy.   She wants to sleep.  I called her, "Cozey Rosey"

I told her that I could only come once per month now because of the miles on my car (I cut many jobs that I used to have to help her financially.

She's fine with it.

Michele and I ran into each other the other night.

I forgot that I had changed my phone number.

We both have been through so much.

I told her what happened.

She asked, "Who was there for you?"

I said, 'None of them and Patrick is the only one I forgive because he has no power in that family and Clarke friends told me he was heartbroken about what they were doing and so was Dylan."

She said of one of them, "He's mean."

I told Michele the things that I said to him on the phone after years of being screamed at and called about.  She basicaly said, "So what."

I said that the only time I was ever sad with her was when I spoke of his disapproval of me. And now I am free !

Seeing MIchele made me feel the trauma of it all is finally over and I spoke of all that Cath and her family did for me and mom.

For years I had to go where I didn't want to go to support Mom's connection with all of  them.   And now i don't.

Mom is letting me go.

The visits with her are shorter because she wants to go inside of her monastery of herself.

She is so happy now within herself.   And they are good to her there.  I love her.

She loves me.

She smiles when she sees me.

I am free.

Today, I walked into McDonald's with two large plastic McDonald's containers to re use them as I paid for my order. I  get water and a soda.

I am not using the drive thru unless I am getting a child chocolate milk.  It's not healthy I breathe in the fumes of cars and I am polluting the air.

Tonight I can exercise and work on my place and live my life slowly like a writer not running to Iowa every weekend.

I am finally free and grateful to the Gods and my dad that Mom is finally happy.
Friday, January 13th, 2017
3:27 pm
Have You Heard About the Lonesome Loser
beaten by the Queen of Hearts every time.
3:01 pm
I walked out of whole foods 45 minutes ago and I could feel the strength in my legs.

This morning I worked out at home for 30 minutes.   I aimed for 10 minutes but I kept altnernating between bouncing iand pcking things up and before I knew it 30 minutes passed.  I am going to to Harbor soon for the pool workout.

Your boy got home and I said to the tv, "oh that is beautiful"  and he blocked it so I could not see it.  He does this on game shows too when he isn't snoring.   He blocks the answers making the tv go dead.

But I take it as a sign of victory on my part, it's up there with his pounding my window last summer when I did nothing to him.   And it's up there with his co hort standing in the court yard giving me the finger when I never say a word to them in public.  Anything I have to say I say in the privacy of my home.

I am under his skin.  He's on death dooor in his slow suicide.

His soul is already dead.  i told him that today in the privacy of my home.

I recalled that Carol Blitgen told us, "I care about my soul."
I thought, "oh I want to care about my soul."

They are two peas in a pod.   They killed the community where we live.  I wasn't part of it but people used to talk to each other.   He systematically killed it by making people be involved with this.

So he has impotency rage; he's impotent in so many ways.  And the only rape he can do on me is mess with my tv.   I compliment him on at least moving a few fingers.

His theme song is from the Little River Band:   "Have you heard about the lonesome loser beaten by the Queen of hearts every time."

I have passion, I am the queen of hearts.

The song goes, "He's a loser but he keeps on trying."

I want thank you for putting someone so readable on me.
2:41 pm
About Father Roach
I faled to mention in yesterday's final post that Father Roach and I argued passionately in his seminar calls about conversion therapy which he for at the time and also about women's role in the Church.

I told him on women's issues, "We are just waiting for all you to died."  I hvae since learn they don't die.  It's a mindset.  Boys learn on the playground not to question patriarchy.

Women in the seminar class said, "Teresa we thought what you thougth but were afraid to say it."

We agreed on other issues, I said that I thought that St. Ignatius took his internal process one step further than Martin Luther did.  (I had taken a course on Martin Luther to get the theology degree) and Father Roach said, "That is brilliant, they are writing books on that very idea right now.)

He gave me a good grade.

I told my mom and she said, "He is a real priest."   She knew he and I argued in the class.

I said  to him after I exposed teh scandal after trying to stop it internally for months "You gave me a good grade."

He said, "I didn't give you that grade you earned that grade."

When I started to get his letters that detailed the scandal and more after I exposed the scandal to all sides of the Jesuits and Father Bert Thelen as the head Jesuit of Wisconsin said, "Teresa, you know when to do the right thing."   I just felt broken about my religion.

Shullsburg's Irish Spiritualtiy did not prepare me for priests doing these things to each other.

A sibling asked, "Why is he telling you these things?"

And before I could answer the sibling said, 'He knows you are emotional and will do something about it."
Thursday, January 12th, 2017
5:33 pm
About Gloria Steinem and the CIA
I ran from Milwaukee in 1999 and I moved to Francis Street by the Nitty Gritty.

In the Fall of 2000 chalk on the sidewalk announced that Gloria Steinem was going to speak the next day at the UW's memorial courtyard.

I went.

I saw the protesters and I whispered a thought, "What has happened to Madison?"

Those eleven years in MIlwaukee I became consumed by the corruption in the Church and in the govnernment under E. Michael McCann who was a puppet for the police (no police were ever charged for killing Black people) and for the Catholic Church.  (Among other things he was going to charge the Marquette male for forging love letters using Richard Roach's name  because the student was angry that his male lover broke up with him) and so DiUlio reportedly said to McCann the night before according to two sources, that a case involving homosexuality would not be good for the university.)   So the next day Roach reported being shocked when McCann as D.A. walked in and said their would be no charges.  Teh story was different the day before.

It's just like scientology, except scientology controls the L.A. police and Hollywood.

I grew up on Madison news.  I still think of John Digman's reports and how he was controlversial.   Channel 3 used to be a place of truth now it is boring.   I remember watching Soglin and Bill Dyke debate at 5:00 O'Clock news.

It never occured to me that Madison changed in those 11 years of visiting MIlwaukee.  I never was from there, it is an ugly city.

Gloria Steinem lectured the crowd on why they should not vote for Ralph Nader.   She had no respect for his work saying he only called her to ask about the dangers of high heel shoes.  Actually I think that was a significant call for women.

I didn't understand that the Green Party had split off from the democrats.    So the Green Party had signs.

Then, I found out in the begining of google that Gloria Steinem had worked for the C.I.A,   I thought, "Oh she must have been spying on conservatives."

No, she was spying on progressives.

And she used her friendship with Katherine Graham to shut down a book that other feminists had written on her.

She took the idea from the woman user, David Letterman, the top ten reasons not to vote for Ralph Nader.   It was disrespectful.

My perception thing was right about her in the early 90's at UW MIlwaukee Ken got me a ticket to hear her speak and I said to a woman, "I don't think she tended to that young woman very well."

The female student stood up and said she was a student at Marquette University and how did she manage to be  a free thinker in patriarchy.

Steinem said, "Get rid of patriarchy."

Oh really my book is about taking on patriarchy and I gave her a manuscript and she listened to the lies of the FBI.  So screw her moraity of convenience and I think it's hysterical that she and Bill Clinton who destroyed Monica Lewinskys life got the medal of freedom from the president on the same day.

I remember a phone call conversation with Monica that took place the month that Steinem showed.   Monica said she didn't trust any politicians and she was voting for Nader in Texas.   I said, "I don't think I could survive if you can't believe in any of them."

I do not believe in any of them any more.

I tested the FBI by saying Soglin's name over and over in my Francis Street apartment and I knew if she showed up some place strange they are on me.

The phone was tapped and they heard me talking to my mother that was were going to go to the NItty Gritty which was just next door at 2 pm on my birthday because it wasn't busy at that time.  It was right next door.

And no one was there until Soglin walked in with a bunch of feds carrying bat irthday presents.

He enjoyed the role of catching a radical woman.

I said to Dr. Ulrich once, "They say i am radical"

He said, "What's wrong wtih being a radical?"

And then there was the time they had Soglin showing up at Sundance.  He shouldn't know what I look like, I have had alders give me the look of recognition and that McDonnel, the whiner, I didn't vote for him.  I don't like him.

Soglin looks at me out of the corner of his eye and he can't' believe that I don't approach him.   I had said a few days before that I don't know what I would say if I saw him.

They tested it. 

Monica was right.    I don't believe in politicians.

The stalking has been horrible I was waiting for a bus the year 9/11 happtoened and I stood in front of the Nitty Gritty to catch my
morning bus to the department of Administration and I looked diagonally across the street to the parking lot and there in the stairwell was one of their guys watching me.

I waved and he jumped back.   Clearly they put the lowest of the echelon on me.

It was the same theme it is today, "we have to find out who is telling her what?"

I knew they were on me in 1997 when they came into counseling center after Larry Hopwood refused to flunk me becuase my clients got better.   They would report themselves low on the scale of 1 to 10 and by the time they left they would be higher and the other thing is that they came back to their appointments and these people struggled economically.    They don't come back to appointments.

So Larry Hopwood wrote on a recommendation, "Teresa gets along with people ffrom all kinds of different backgrounds...."

They brought in the FBI when Marquette couldn't get this man to do their homophobic dirty work.

Then, Marquette had their in house attorney's dad grade my comprehensive and he flunked me.  He was not even a tenured professor.

I said to him in a meeting, "I don't want you as my advisor, your son is an in house attorney for this university and that is a conflict of interesst."

Google did not exist; there was no internet that told me and he went white as a ghost.

He kept telling the professors of the department " there was no scandal"

And so I finally sent Larry Hopwood copies ofd the Roach letters that detail DiUlio and Leahy's role in persecuting an effeminate Jesuit.
And the day those professors got those letters from Hopwood I passed teh comprehensive.

And a tenured professor said to me, "There are many who think well of you in this, Teresa."

Then Jim Grummer spent years on these bogus lies about me. 

Mat Gleason said it, "Terri, these people are transitory in their power, you come bakc in the end and hit them with your writing."

And so they all have gone down.

Jim Doyle who cheated himself out of a Stanford Education had to leave Stanford for the unreknowned UW Madison in the early 60's left office with a lower approval rating than Scott Walker ever had.

E. Michael McCann was delcared "A Saint No More" for bieng a puppet for the CAtholic Church and the police while fattening his retirement. https://www.milwaukeemag.com/2007/11/07/ASaintNoMore/

Their Street Thug Attorney who showed up at the Department of Administration to get me to blow and found that I laughed ih his face when he yelled at me was disbarred last year.

And finally Jim Grummer showed his pained face when after years of manipulation of getting himself to the top dog he didn't get Black Pope and you can see the pained look on his face when they all are clapping for the vibrant one from Latin America.

So, in the end Mat Gleason was right, they are transitory.

I, unlike, Gloria Steinem spying on people like Brenda Konkel and Marsha Rummel did not sell out.

I write.

Thank you, Jim Grummer for turning me into a voice .  I owe you so much for that.

Cheers !


3:25 pm
Joe Biden the real feminist speaks
Joe Biden hheld heaarings on Clarrence Thomas because Ted Kennedy couldn't becauas eof his record with women.

The Gloria Steinem Femnists like Hillary Clinton are about power and exclusivity.

It's like Tammy Baldwin, totally ineffective as a lesbian feminist because she doesn't own her story with her soft spoken girlish voice that intends to manipulate the listening not relate to the listener.   jShe is p intless.

Obama just   awarded Joe  Biden the Presidential Medal of Freedom
Wednesday, January 11th, 2017
12:46 pm
Garbage Man
For the Lass who bought fat boy a fat boy chair

Your sadist plays with my tv trying
to play a Ghost in my life, I tell him
"he's not a sadist like you"  Why did
you put a druggie on me who has
killed his penis,  now a hanging tongue
in cheek , he needs a bra, he throws a
cig butt in the bush to perform the
metaphorical sex act he can no longer
do.   I was his last hurrah, you told him
I was super bright, the great novice
master said, "you are iconoclastic"
Monica said, 'You laugh at the dark."
I laughed in the face of your street
thug attorney.  I laugh at  your Dick-
less man who tries to ruin my tv shows
playing a ghost, I tell him, "I watched
ghost for a decade plus, he's kind.  His
sermon has no words, he walks the
walk, he kills plastic use, teaches a
course on garbology and I know our
conversations would never end. " You
told the necrotic one I was super bright
He wanted to show me he was smarter,
he's dying, time for a bra for the sagging
sin,  and he tries to pretend he is Ghost
and I laugh and laugh and laugh at his
stupidity,  Ghost would never be unkind
so your ego man, a  slow suicide plan lost
to my passion, he's in carbohydrate grind,
a dumpster for fast food, non recycalble.

attacking or ignoring cherished beliefs and long-held traditions, etc., as being based on error, superstition, or lack of creativity:

Hey the East Side knows who the two of you are so where will they use you next?

Tell Garbage man he can block my tv use tonnight, I don't care.  I'll read a book

This has never been an investigation but it has been a harassment and now I don't care. 
11:50 am
Exercise is fabulous medication !
Harbor is my faorite place to be !

I missed two days and when I got here I thought, well maybe I can jump ten minutes and then as Robert Frost says, way leads to way, and well I got to 20 minutes of jumping.

I was in the pool for 70 minutes and I did squats and I stooped over and over the final ten minutes.   There is a really low chair in the lounge areaa at Harbor and I am strong enough in my legs to get out of it !

I often think of James Taylor (another artist with manic depression) who said he kicked the heroine addiction with rowing a boat. 

That's how good I feel after jumping in the pool because the endorphins are so powerful.
Tuesday, January 10th, 2017
6:44 pm
MSNBC is the capital of Elite liberals firing Ed Schultz
And Obama lied and never came to march with ordinarly people of Wisocnsin to take on Walker and now Reince Priebus (the Koch brother's puppet) is the Chief of staff for a man who has no clue and wants to build his empire
6:43 pm
What a welder wrote on facebook to Meryl Streep
He actually has a music degree from Clarke and he plays with Head East at times and he works on lighting   And he's generous and I did not let poltics ruin our friendship.  I don't like his politics but I think his voice is the voice that the soft palmed liberals refuse to acknowlege.   And he says, 'you do nothing for my life.    He speaking for all of the people elite liberals in their soft palmed club of babble dont hear.

He wrote this:  

Dedicated to Meryl Streep:
Dear Hollywood celebrities and actors you only have a place in my world to entertain me. That’s it.

You make your living pretending to be someone else. Playing dress up like a 6 year old. You live in a make believe world in front of a camera - and often when you are away from one, too. Your entire existence depends on my patronage.


I’ll crank the organ grinder; you dance.

I don’t really care where you stand on issues. You see, you aren’t real. I turn off my TV or shut down my computer and you cease to exist in my world. Once I am done with you, I can put you back in your little box until I want you to entertain me again. I hope you realize that the only words of yours that matter are scripted. In my world, you exist solely for my entertainment.

So, shut your word hole and dance, monkey!"

4:50 pm
Found a card from Mom sent in 1995
She sent me a late graduation announcement for getting her Masters.

We attended the ceremony.   She sent it late and wrote, I thought you would get a kick out of it.

The envelope is dated May 1995. 

The insert card read, "Person receiving Degree:   Mom
                                   Degree earned:                   Masters in Middle School Education with Math emphasis.

She took classes in the 80's in computer and in English at UW P on one of my sojourn's there when I did not know what to do.   We took a literature class together so I would go.

She liked the professor who said that boarding schools were full of sexual abuse.

When the priest abuse came out she said, "I never believed him when he said that but he was right."

We must speak out truth. Even when they don't believe us.

I editted her papers for her in grad school.  It was a great project to do with her.   I have a memory of collecting bugs for a science class with her.   She turned over a log and all these beetles were there by a creek.   She knew they would be there because her French Father schooled her on things like that.

And then a pack of wild dogs came and I said, "We are dead."

She went toward them and started swinging her arms big and yelling and they ran away.

She is amazing. 

She grew so much as a person in the last 30 years.

I found also a journal entry where a sibling came in and said that she thinks that all of the children should pay for Mom's funeral.

It happened April of 2014.  I wrote that Mom thinks her chld hates her.   So Mom cancelled the first alert button that the child was paying for.

And she took the money she had saved for a funeral and giave it to the sibling who was always on me with criticism and threatened me on Mother's Day.

And Mom said, "I told him to give you whatever is left over."

I said, "I am never going to see that money."

I didn't care.

She said, "IF they want something fancier than what that money provides they can pay for it."

I remember when an in law told my mom, "You probably expect us to pay for your funeral."

The woman never asked for a thing from any of them.

I love the letters I find from her.
4:33 pm
3:12 pm
Rice and autism
Today I made riced cauliflower with a  Mexican flare.   I bought homemade sasa with cilantro and lime in it at Trader Joe's because it is 2.99 but 7.99 at  Whole Foods.

I froze my Chinese version to take to Iowa on Saturday.

I froze a serving of this too.

The cauliflower feels like rice but there is no increase of blood sugar and then a sudden drop from teh spike.

I love the riced cauliflower.

About Autism, I don't think that more people are being diagnosed iwith it I think awareness of it has caused people formerly diagnosed as other things now being diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

I worked with 50 year old clients that were given diagnosis of scyzophrenia that today would be told they are on the spectrum.

Am watchign part of teh Carrie and Debbie Fisher on HBO.   It shows that she smoked and she is kind to working class people.
2:30 pm
Trump's son appears autistic so he must blame a vaccine

No, he conceived the child after he was 60 and the sperm of men over 40 has higher chances of autism plus Trump appears to have aspergers in the worst way in that his negative symptoms must have come from his cold father and his attention seeking mother combined with being sentit away to a military school

No, Trump your old sperm did it.

Father figures: Autism-like traits in older fathers may contribute more to autism risk than mutations that accumulate in aging sperm.

2:18 pm
Dolly Parton versus Meryl Streep
Acting superior about art is not going to help unseat the game people like he and Walker are playing on the working class so that the wealthier.

Trump's twitters with an intention to keep the white people angry that feel that they have to work and Black people or white relatives get everything free.   I have them on my facebook as friends.

So many of the liberal elite do not have them on their facebook.  They simply have people that think and look like them.

So we are going to lose again if we bite the bait of acting superior.

Meryl Streep singled out two areas viewed by most of Trump voters. 

It's why I have black art in my condo.  It's a joke about taking art too serious ly.   My dining room is a tongue in cheek statement against taking art too seriously.

I love art.  But when we act like it is a elite group than we lose.  
If she had left out the statement about martial arts adn football players which was an attack on white men who watch it she would have been powerful.

These elite soft palmed liberals refuse to see how they have ignored these people.  And so now they are angry and attacking them and Streep said with the classic liberal elitism, "You are not part of those of us who get and understand art."

Dolly Parton raised money for the working class of Tennesee after the fire.  Working class men were in tears from it.

I don't like Trump.  I don't l iike that Scott Walker manipulates the working class but acting elite as if we are superior to people who do something physical with their lives is just what Trump wants.
1:23 pm
Dog Heaven
 Right now I am playing, "Get the ball"  with a German Shepherd who is about a year now.   She brings. me her chewed up ball and then I throw it in the backyard for her to fetch   She has lots of energy and it's good to be around that kind of energy.    She carries it around like a trophy and then eventually she drops it for me to throw again.  She will also catch her breath before she brings it back to me.

The other female dog is the queen here and she gets attention first; she demands it.

Then the male dog is an old soul.  He claimed me when I interviewed and I came here a couple of months ago when the owners were home and other guests were here and he butted his head into me demanding i give him attention like he did the first time I was here.

Today, I was called in to let them out and to play with them.   It was good for me to be here because I am in a bit of a slump, just at a 6.9 instead of a 7.  I like to be at a 7 or 8; 9 and 10 are too energized for me.   The scale is relative to how the person wants it to be.

The dogs are great for forgetting the self.
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