Home
Free Speech
 
 [Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in written source's LiveJournal:

    [ << Previous 20 ]
    Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
    6:29 pm
    The Moral of the Story
    I decided that i wanted a theology degree when i returned to Marquette in 1990. I studied under two solid professors---two courses each---one being Ted Tyson's uncle, I was in class the day he announced Ted's mother (the Jesuit's sister) had died. He said, "I hate death." He cried.

    My therapist who had experience with the Catholic Church said, "It's a beautiful man who would show his pain at the death of his sister."

    The other major theologian who taught me was Father Mueller. He was conservative and I liked learning from him so much. I studied Augustine under him. He explained how thomas Aquinas theologized Aristotle and Augustine theologized Plato. Augustine believed people could reach God either through the intellect or ritual. There's a view that the ritual is for the peasants. I would rather be with the peasants and those suffering from severe and persistant mental illness---for they carry the gift of prophecy and truth ---of course one must use discernment while working with them to get there but they will lead you there.

    So anyway to my paper on St. Augustine being the shadow of the church shaming people to this day, Father Mueller wrote a long, long response, "Teresa, give Augustine a break it was the times he lived in....." I smiled and simply didn't agree with Father Mueller that being in the times prevents one from doing the right thing or the non ego centric thing.

    then, there was this struggle in me to be acceptable not to be alternative in my thinking so i was going to write a conventional paper for the THE TRINITY which i studied under Father Mueller. The day before the paper was due I went up to him to ask, "Father can i change the topic of my paper and have a few more days i just can't get into doing the paper i am working on and I want to do a feminist perspective of the Trinity"

    He had a dark beard and dark hair and black hat and wore the black cleric clothes and he simply nodded yes.

    I used this book by Mary Daly http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-God-Father-Philosophy-Liberation/dp/0807015032

    He then wrote a long response to that paper. I respected him and on the final after I finished I went back to get my books and he looked at me and I looked at him. I waved and he nodded.

    There was a beautiful moment in his class for me at least that i document in my book. He was standing in class reciting all of the information he knew on the Trinity. and he said, "and you see on the assumption of mary, mary actually enters the Trinity and it becomes a quadrinity."

    I blurted out "That is hopeful for feminism"

    I write in my book that the class started laughing nervously because i had just broken this man's train of thought and I had said the "f" word to a conservative theologian and Father Mueller blinked his eyes innocently from the shock of being interupted in class and he said, "yes, yes, you see we just must peel the layers away we are all going to enter the trinity and it becomes an infinity. We are all potential gods."

    And if i as a liberal had not listened to this man for 2 semesters i would not have found a truth that comforts me to this day.

    I love Catholic Theology. It's a story of the Universe. It's everything to me.

    And way back when they started coming on me, my mother said to me, "Terri, don't let what they have done ruin what those old Time Jesuits did for you."

    And even in the end Ted's uncle came through for truth.

    Ted knew me. He knew i was sensitive and into writing and he asked his Jesuit Uncle, "Is what she is saying true?" He read my blog.

    And his uncle couldn't lie to him.

    But he also knew he couldn't betray the order so he said "There was some trouble" and he wouldn't talk about it.

    So the message is for the insecure who are seeking power "Don't fear the voice of the individual" "Don't shut people dowon by getting the FBI on her so she ll give up"

    Just don't do that. It's not Catholic.
    3:57 pm
    How dare I have a voice?
     I told mom that I am down but that i will get over it.

    She said from nothing that i said, "don't feel bad about what Jim Doyle did to you what he did to that former head of the Vets is worse."

    She outlined what he did.

    Then, she said, "I think he had someone from his staff put that news out there on Barbara Lawton. She just went her own way and that made him mad." (Also plus she is beautiful and bright and probably showed no interest him or his serving wife)

    Mom said about Barbara Lawton, "She probably thought, I have money i don t need this and got out."

    I said, "yeah, women politicians are not known to have many affairs they are consumed with the work not the power."

    I told mom that some people are upset that i knew ever since my former boss told me that it was the FBI.

    I said, "What bothers me is that they don t care that I have been persecuted, they only care that i know they were used in it."

    But then i told her, "There are some that I can tell that care that this is going on." they stay distant but give respect.

    I think those who feel a powerlessness of never having voice or choosing to speak up against the status quo resent me because how dare I speak up against injustice when they don t have the courage to do so.

    I think of Clarke and I think of my family, those were my two Catholic experiences before Marquette.

    Jesus, Billy Leahy would have run Carol Blitgen out of the country after he tried to destroy her career.

    Those great BVM's were not like Marquette's philosophy department teacher Nancy Snow. She teased the kids about drinking at the GYM on the weekend. You never heard that kind of talk at Clarke ---you were there to think and to speak up.

    And that's what i did. And that's what we do in our family. We don't just include Catholics or democrats or white people or people who just speak English. That's not who we are as a family.

    So i was not prepared for what I experienced at Marquette.

    And what you were not prepared for was that there are people who like me and grow fond of me and come through for me.

    You know my former boss told me, you had him tell me, so what is the point of continuing to stalk me.

    I have the ability to discern. I don't protest everything.

    You see, I had a mother who was a mathematician back when women didn't study those things and she told me in my teen years, "Terri, you would stand up for the common cold if there was a cause to irradicate it."

    What that did was make me think before I got on board. So your ploy to get me to protest everything outside of my condo was built on a ill prepared profile of me.

    You never dreamt that there is a part of me that people love.

    Mary Alice Melloy once told me, "I knew what mood you were in by the way you walked down the hallway."

    I said of those unmedicated bipolar years, "Oh, how did you put up with me?"

    She said softly, "Becuase you loved me."

    My mother made me aware of how hard it was on city students not to have a dorm room so when Mary Alice as a city student was in the theatre late at night i would leave my dorm room unlocked for her.

    One night she was sleeping on the matress on the floor and I was sleeping on the box springs where the matress had been.

    And she told at breakfast the next day, "All of sudden i hear this scratching and I think it is a mouse and I look up and she is writing by the moon light."

    I had gotten an idea.

    I started writing.

    Writing has been my life.

    The moral of the story is don't shut people down. that is the moral of the story, if someone has an idea you don't like then don't like it but they have a right to express it.

    They could have moved Father Roach quietly.

    They could have suggested to Mary Daly, "Ok we hear what you are saying, we don't get it because we are men in an all male order but since we like hanging out with men maybe it would be good for women to have a chance to talk about theology, so how about having a group each week just for women if this class is against federal guidelines."

    My mother told me, "You have to rely on yourself because it is a cruel world."

    I said, "Oh, it's a really cruel world." It wasn't like I was a taker. I just couldn't rise above these powerful men stalking me for the Lucy family under Jim Doyle.

    He started this.

    I came home to a note from Michele,


    Hey, it is Tues. night and you just left. I feel so grateful that i got to spend time with you before we spend thanksgiving in Shullsberg and Chicago. how lovely thanksgiving is this year. really, the best ever for me. you are so clearly in my life and our friendship is the water in the stream. M
    12:34 pm
    Mary Daly and Richard Roach vs. Group Think
    A profound sadness dwells inside of me.

    They have fixed it so the icon 6uthored 2 (anything with richard roach) doesn't come up. That's not what makes me sad, that makes me know they fear my voice. They know i have the letters and tapes that detail the scandal.

    I took it to the pool last night to walk it off before I went to Michele's. I took it to a Catholic Chapel to pray yesterday. The chapel reminded me of Michele's house, clean and full of wood. I always tell her that their house is like a chapel for me.

    She and I drank a new tea she bought at Whole Foods. It has a mint liquour in it; it was wonderful. I said "A nice way to end the day."

    I brought a Thanksgiving Card for her to give to her father when she visits in Chicago. I am fond of her father. He doesn't drink, he thinks and questions. He's an honorable man.

    So I went home and I went to bed early for me.

    Then, I got up did the food pantry thing at that Lutheran Church. The minister has a cold. I asked him, "Do you have a cold?"

    He wasn't coughing just his demeanor.

    And he said, "Oh, it's awful, and it won t go away."

    I said, "Oh, it lasts about 2 to 3 weeks." The one that was going around here does.

    He's what Martin Luther would describe as "good works". I asked for peace for Christmas. He prayed that I may encounter peace because we as a society make christmas worse with our expectations of it.

    Last night Michele said, "Christmas Gifts are for amateurs"

    I laughed to say, "That is my bumper sticker for the week."

    She said, "It's true. They don 't know how to give in any other way so they buy gifts."

    She's lovely and fun and sensitive and deep and just my literature friend.

    ANd then, today i drove to Walgreens to be with my 3 neighbors who were ringing the bell for The Salvation Army at Northport.

    They are lovely. They have a fabulous life together. C crocheted 3 scarfs for them and suddenly as I was quietly observing the work of the scarves I asked, "C did you crochet those?"

    They are unique and lovely.

    C went to the car to get me a pink sequined santa hat they bought for me and I joined in singing Xmas Carols for them. I love the Salvation Army. This is the 3rd year this family has rung the bell for them. They are doing it on xmas eve too but i am not sure i can jjoin them so we are going to find another day.

    C said, "We are coming over to put up your tree for you next week."

    My life has become more accessible since they moved in. I was used to going to my place playing the hermit.

    I love their child.

    So it is with profound sadness that I move into this Thanksgiving weekend.

    Soon after Father Roach was persecuted I heard in 1999 just after Father Leahy went to Boston College that he was going after the feminist theologian, Mary Daly. For group thinkers any one who may challenge us from either side is too much to bare.

    Soon the story was out that a young man was suing to get into her all female class.

    If you have not encountered the kind of patriarchy that takes over a Jesuit Institution you will not know why having an all female theologian class is vital.

    Mary Daly offered to have a separate class for men.

    Marquette University High School wants to remain all male. They think it benefits males. They find studies to support that.

    Well, why wouldn't it benefit women to have an all female class, William P. Leahy?

    Women serve Jesuits. Women faculty end up editing Jesuits' books. In 1998 an article appeared in the Milwaukee Business Journal that only 3 percent of tenured professors at Marquette were female. A woman said, "The men like to think of the men as the doers and the women as the cheerleaders."

    These women don't even have the confidence to go ahead and find their own spirituality they become a Jesuit Associate. The Jesuits neeed them because the numbers of men joining is down.

    As far as Mary Daly goes I imagined that metaphorically Father Leahy snuck the hurt homosexual into his suitcase or found one just like him to bring Mary Daly down.

    Group Think is dangerous. It's oppressive and people that need it are insecure and seek power over the group and the outliers are the ones that question.

    I go into this holiday with profound sadness.

    I only brought all of this out because the FBI continues to go every where I do just to harass me. The idea is that I will protest and they can get me on being a protester.

    Listen, I tried to stop that scandal before I ever exposed it to all sides of the Jesuits.

    Over 8 years ago when I worked at WPS they were in there and well my family and i were going to have a xmas in june because my brother in law is a Lutheran Minister far away and he and my sister can't come.

    Well, it turned out that the week we planned months earlier for a xmas in june was going to be a funeral for my niece.

    And even then they harassed me using a Shullsburg person.

    So come and get me, but i promise you every one gets a supoena, every one. From all the way back to Milwaukee in 1996 to now, everyone.
    Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
    1:12 pm
    Father Bert Thelen is a real priest
    For people new to the game what happened during the scandal was that Father Spy an Administrator for the University would give the hurt homosexual information from the Jesuit Residence on Father Roach.

    So for instance, one weekend Father Spy told the Hurt Homosexual that FAther Roach had one of the residents' cars checked out for the weekend. They surmised that Father Roach was going to see the hurt homosexual's ex lover. I call him the Hurt Homosexual because top administrators used him to get rid of Roach because he thought differently.

    I argued with Father Roach passionately about women's issues in the Church. I said to him later, "You gave me a good grade."

    He said, I didn t give you that grade; you earned that grade.

    Well, anyway the Used Homosexual followed Father Roach to Chicago the weekend that Father Spy said the car was checked out.

    CAn you imagine one of your own brother Jesuits spying on you for a jilted lover of someone who didn't want to be with him any more?

    WEll, the hurt homosexual (HH) found Roach and his ex lover walking in Chicago taking in the city.

    What transpired next was that the HH waited for Roach to leave and then he accosted his ex lover. Keep in mind HH had already forged signatores that McCann was going to charge the HH for but then Diulio told McCann that a case involving homosexuality would not be good for the university.

    Anyway after that weekend HH was picked up for traffic violation and then held in jail because there was a warrant out for his arrest because after Father Roach left Chicago the HH allegedly attacked the ex lover who filed a complaint.

    The result was that HH got put in jail once picked up on a traffic violation. He said that he asked to be put on the side of the women because the men in the jail were frightening.

    He called Father Leahy who was Vice President and now is president at Boston College. HH said that Father Leahy called the jail to say to let him out.

    See, they run the legal system. Look at me i have the FBI on me. IT's ironic, the top 3 administrators were involved in stalking father Roach using the HH and they want to get me to protest this to the NOvice Master or any Jesuit so they can get me on stalking.

    Well, I wanted to see if what HH was saying was true. So I went with him one night when he and Father Spy (now this was a Jesuit who hung out with the super rich to get things like the impressive computer lab they have for students. He sits on the yachts of the rich and he was also a spy on his Jesuit brother)

    So anyway sure enough HH parked his car diagonal to the Jesuit Residence and out came Father Roach at the signed out time as predicted and HH put on a blond female wig and followed him out to wauwatosa, and all over milwaukee.

    I walked home that night to Prospect from Pizza Man where Father Roach ended up leaving the HH there.

    There 's a nother part too. Father Spy gave HH the entire closs rosters for Father Roach from all the years he taught. Father Spy had the alumni office give HH the phone numbers to those now alumni. Michael Burns who DiUlio brought from XAVIER University with him when DiUlio took over Marquette dropped the rosters and the phone numbers and a Marquette University phone card (kkeep in mind this was 1995 so phone cards were not prepaide they were billed.)

    ANd so HH asked me to help him. He wanted me to call people from my class to see what they had to say. There was this male who was involved with a woman who said about Father Roach, "He really helped me. I was so lost and his class really helped me...."

    I was moved by the sincerity of this former class mate. And there were so many other positive things said about Father Roach and Father Spy and the rest of the administrators wouldn't inlcude that.

    WEll, the complaint that the HH filed against Father Roach (keep in mind that anything that the EEOC office reported to the 3 top adminstrators was then told to HH who told me)

    So Roach didn't have a chance except the psychologists who made the decision said that maybe he said some unwise things but that it did not constitute sexual harassment.

    Well Roach was opinionated---he was out there with his thinking.

    So then Father Spy and HH decided to appeal to the CArdinal HOmophobia in Rome who got the case and ordered Roach out of teaching simply because he ministered to homosexual students

    it was a one sided stalking much the same that has been done to me to silence me.

    I began to write Father Thelen who I had interacted with with the Novice Master. THelen had written to shame me, "WE know all about you."

    I shot back, IF you knew all about me why did you allow that man to be in my life all those years."

    That's when Thelen began to listen to me.

    Thelen was a thinker, he could take argument. I filled him in on what was going on. I said to Helena, "Why isn't he doing anything to stop this?"

    She said, I think he is a wise man, this is just a mess.

    WEll, then, Thelen went off to Rome to visit the Pope or the Black Pope because THelen was head of the Wisconsin Province of that time.

    And his assistant began reading my letters and told Father Leahy, "Teresa Doyle knows what is going on."

    HH said that Father Leahy said, "Oh, Johnny you knew that this was going to get out sometime didn't you?"

    HH said that Leahy said to tell me to keep my mouth shut.

    Now it was out there that i was letting Thelen know.

    Finally i just let all sides of Jesuits know including Father Roach who wrote "Praise God for your change of heart."

    Keep in mind, at first I didn't care if a Jesuit went down because of what the Novice Master did to me. But my way of fighting has alwayas been on my own, i don't need groups of people to fight my fights.

    So I called Father Thelen who was in Nebraska at Jesuit Conference I believe and he said to me, "TEresa you know when to do the right thing."

    You see he was a real priest because he didn't tell the adminstrators a thing about my letters to him because as Helena said he was a wise man and it would have been worse because his assitant ran right to Father Leahy with my letters.

    Now, I see that Father Thelen is an activist. He really was a real priest .

    This is what is interesting as far as irony goes, HH is trying to bring Roach down with allegations of sexual harassment. At the same time, HH is tutoring Marquette Basketball players and he tells me, "I looked up the shorts of x" X was a male basketball player.

    I told Father Thelen that and he said, "Oh, Teresa, HH is just needy."

    HH had no consistency in that moment with the basketball player he was a teacher and he was doing what he wanted to accuse Father Roach of doing.

    Father Leahy didn't have any consistency either because one of his Jesuit friends resigned being a Jesuit on the day his male love interest finished a graduate program.

    But because this ex Jesuit was part of group think he got to teach at Loyola. Fine, but why do Roach in because he was a conservative? He was a sacrificial lamb so that they could say, "see we aren't gay we get rid of our effeminate priest?"

    At the time my brother was living with me. He had resigned his job as a lawyer because he would not defend a pediphile. I invited him to live with me free because he had a lot of loans.

    He would hear the hurt homosexual calling. ONe time as the he squeeled my name over and over on the phone my brother stood in my living room to say as he pointed to the answering machine, "He thinks nobody likes him because he is gay." There was a pause. My brother continuted, "Nobody likes him because he's obnoxious."

    The funny thing is that HH said to me about my brother the week before, "He's homophobic"

    My brother has the Irish Fey too though he would deny it. When John Edwards got the expensive hair cut he told my sister, Sheila, about Edwards, "He's got something on the side."

    Sheila was in shock when the news of an affair came out on Edwards afterwards.

    My family is the reason that I survived this.

    They gave nothing.

    I knew i could play sports with my youngest brother until he was in 3rd grade and then he would wallop me.

    He was the first person i ever beat.

    I would tell him what they told me, "Quitters lose."

    So we'd be palying kick ball and he would say as a first grader, "I quit."

    I would say, "Quitters lose."

    He would do what I would do with my older siblings, stay and finish the game.

    But one day during kick ball game I sprained my ankle and i was literally crawling into the house and i hear yelling and cheerling. I was in 7th grade and he was in 1st and i turned my head to see him jumping up and down with his hands in the air saying, 'I won ! I won!" Then he pointed at me to say, "You quit."

    That is how I survived this, and that is why as a bipolar person i am reasonably stable, my siblings fostered a fighter in me.

    So blame them for my survival.
    Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
    3:05 pm
    The Justification of Richard Roach, SJ
     Michele and I had lunch before I go to work.

    I told her my plans for December in how to survive poverty induced by members of my own religion. She is so supportive of me and if she thinks something is a bad idea she will tell me.

    She was so supportive of my most recent survival idea.

    She said, "Steve said, 'teresa is extremely resourceful'"

    He also is going to let me interview him about deer hunting. I created an interesting animal character in my book as I wrote at work in between calls last night.

    Then, she said, "Let me buy you and your mom..."

    I cut in to say, "No, it's ok."

    She said, 'that s rude you didn 't let me finish."

    I zipped my lips and she said, Let me buy you and your mom clementines.

    So i gave in and they are in my car right now.

    The thing is I look at them but know they are costly and I can't afford them.

    I said, "I won't open them until Thursday with her."

    I am thinking of starting a new blog. This blog has been about surviving the persecution by the street thug attorney hired by what David Sylvester calls the "bad ones"

    I am surviving.

    I haven't had internet for the past year since being fired. I learned from all the other employment fiascos with the FBI being in there to keep my mouth shut about them being in there. Even when the boss would say they were in there and so was Rome I wouldn't say a word. I loved working with that population and i was not about to say anything.

    And he was cruel because after telling me they were in there he would then call my best friend and say, "No one is listening in there in the government."

    So I got fired a week after Richard Roach, SJ died.

    I have been going to the Middleton Library where i take about 30 min to do a quick posting or look up something.

    I have to wonder if his spirit didn't lead me to find the beautiful words by his friend and the other things that documented the truths of my book, that they left him a broken man.

    I would have been devastated after being fired last year to find out that he died a week earlier, but finding out now is hopeful because it proves what i am saying in my book is true.

    And the priest that said that Father Roach wouldn't "Hunker down" and let it all blow over didn't get how dark this force is because I tried that for years and they won't leave me alone.

    This all could have been stopped by Andy Thon, SJ when my mother called him years ago to talk. She wanted to handle all of this internally.

    There is a scene in the book where a woman named Cathy Morris and the counseling center's psychologist meet with me and he lied. The psychologist said that i called him too. I said, "I did not.

    He said, "Yes you did.

    I said, "I want to hear the message."

    He said, I didn't keep it.

    I said to Kathy Morris, "Wouldn't you keep a message from a student that you thought was unstable? He's lying there is no message."

    My face collapsed into my hands back in 1998 and I wept, "This place is so corrupt"

    My mother must have heard an unusual hopelessness because she said, "Honey do you have your medication."

    I looked up to my mother in the meeting to say, "You don't believe me either?"

    She said, "Yes, I believe you." She looked at them to say, "Now, she is honest I have told her, you can't be that honest. She has so much to give and you are destroying her life."

    And that's what they do.

    Father Roach would say, "It's the nature of the beast."

    The day I faxed his letters to someone who faxed them to the Education dept is the day that passed my comprehensive which Kipfmueller refused to pass me on.

    Father Thaddeus Burch wouldn' t help of the graduate school. He reportedly changed the hurt homoseuxal's c grade so he could stay in graduate school for philosophy but not mine Father thaddeus Burch said, "I can not interfere with academic freedom"

    Father Thaddeus Burch said to my mother, "Teresa needs to learn to go with the flow."

    My mother shot back, "You just want her to vomit back the answers."

    He ignored the point to judge with arrogance, "Can't you use a better word."

    She said, "Alright 'regurgitate."

    There never would have been a book if you had left me alone.

    Well, just call the Novice Master, he will tell you I can' t write anyway so what are you all worried about?

    I printed out the homilies and downloaded them in case the "bad ones' try to hide the homilies.

    http://sjvvashon.com/id14.html

    http://vox-nova.com/2008/11/20/return-to-vashon/
    Saturday, November 21st, 2009
    10:29 am
    A sunny Saturday
     I was missioned by mom to stay in Shullsburg until the local farmer brought the Share Groceries to her. She was going to see her two grandsons play basketball in Iowa. She has a grand-daughter who plays in Iowa too, and I think it's special since Mom played basketball in the 40's in Iowa including Clarke College.

    I laid in my brother's bed and I sang to her, "I am up, i can see your shadow hovering at the door."

    She gave me instructions and was off.

    I called Michele after i made my oatmeal concoction.

    She and I used to work together with those who suffered from severe and persistant mental illness, she still works with them.

    Our groups were fun. I think we modeled great friendship skills in our groups because one of the tough guys who had been in and out of a state hospital once said, "You two are the best of friends."

    She told me today how she's been playing the Bob Dylan Christmas CD and the clients love it. She said, "One man was even singing along with it yesterday"

    She said, "They really know these songs."

    She told me that she went to hear Ray Krone speak at Edgewood the other night.

    http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=ray+krone+

    She said that he reported that it doesn't matter if you are black or white as the perpetrator to get death row. Getting the death penalty depends if your victim is white or no.

    Interesting.

    I complimented her on her ability to crystalize lectures and movies for me. She down plays that gift of hers.

    Two or 3 years ago she heard a UW Madison professor speak on VITAMIN D and told me that he said to take a 1000 mg for every 100 pounds you weigh. Now, Vitamin D is just coming out into the mainstream. She got me on probiotics two years ago, and now a mainstsream corporation is making probiotics. She's just in the know because of her curiosity.

    She said, "My dad got your thank you note. He loved it, he said, 'I'll show it to you when you get here.'"

    Her dad is an educator who is into social justice.

    She told me, "I love Sister Sarah Prejean" http://www.prejean.org/

    I said, "I know you do."

    My friend who was raised Jewish said, "Catholics are doing some important work out there."

    I responded, "Social Justice work"

    I didn't say to her that sometimes I see the two of us as flying nuns of justice working together to live out lives that help others. I keep that reality to myself. But we have this amazing friendship. She loves Steve and I love Ghost. And we get to be two women who get to do the work of nuns without the constraints of a bully Bishop trying to shut us down.

    We talked for two hours.

    She said, "I love talking to you."

    I said, It's never going to happen this early again.

    She said, "you are great talking in the morning."

    We agreed to meet tomorrow to have tea where she will tell me stories and I will tell her mine after she works at a table for Palestinians at a local Christian Church selling hand made Palestinian wears.

    I said, "I have seen some of their work and it is just beautiful."

    I would like to get a nativity scene made by a palestinian someday since Bethlehem the birth place of Jesus is walled off by Zionists and no one can get in or out without going through a check point.

    Walls, walls every where ----in Palestine, on my floor between Ghost and me---all built by patriarchs. Ted's uncle(my Jesuit theology professor) taught us that the saying "an eye for an eye" was to limit retaliation not give one permission meaning you ccould not take a life for an eye. An eye for an eye is a limit not a right.

    I always wanted to have a Jewish friend. Ever since hearing the story of Mary and Elizabeth when i was in 3rd grade I wanted a Jewish female friend. I have this one that is made up of justice in her bones.

    It's wonderful.

    Now, off to Madison where I met this wonderful friend of mine.
    Friday, November 20th, 2009
    6:31 pm
    For people who care about me
     I am fine.

    Mom and I drove to Galena today and we take a different way there and a different way back and i saw the Ramada Inn where Michele stayed as we took the Wisconsin way back and I said, "Michele walked from there to downtown, isn't she something?"

    I made chili for supper. Mom even said it was good. I am glad to be around her to make sure healthy foods are here for her. Now, that my brother is not living here periodically she will choose a peanut butter sandwich so I make things ahead for her knwoing she hates to waste food so she'll eat the squash, the baked potato, or anything else i leeave around.

    Sorry to folks who wanted to hear from me and haven't. I thank you for your understanding, i am fighting for my financial survival and future right now.

    But know that i think of all. (my newest neighbors--all 3 of you) (i sat down to e mail the 3 of you and then i saw that the letter one of you wrote doesn t have an e mail. I can't get on to yahoo form this computer; it's an old dinosaur)

    My sister's blog is lovely

    http://hartsong1972.livejournal.com/
    6:28 pm
    Dear Dear Novice Master
     Congratulations i am broke, but i am not poor, and i am not broken.
    6:24 pm
    Please read the last paragraphs of the below excerpt and you will see how they work
     Please note the last 3 paragraphs of the previous blog. They have tried to do the same kind of thing with me.

    By bringing in the FBI and saying ludicrous things about me. I am talking about the ones that David Sylvester witnessed in his years as the servant at the Jesuit residence, he said (as you can see in a previous link) "there are some bad ones in there"

    There was no reason to go into Clarke and Shullsburg.

    I was devastated the day I got a letter from Clarke College 5 years ago addressed to me at my Madison Address but below my name was "c/o Marquette University"

    It was to see if i protested. I am known to protest injustice so they create injustice in hoping to get me to protest them and then they can say i am stalking them.

    To have the BVM's participate was devastating. I feel no obligation to them and if i ever do make money it goes to UW Platteville where i studied the poets and those poets continue to save my life.

    I think my friend cb would have been helped by the BVM's if these goons had not listened to my life hearing that I called Calrke BVM's out of concern for what a BVM nun had done to her.

    This stalking of my life has hurt so many innocent people like my friend who i was afraid was going to leave us because of what Pat Nolan did to her.

    It has never been about finding truth.

    There is no money anywhere. They go into a place and then let me know they are in there.

    They use fear telling people they will get them for obstruction of justice.
    6:18 pm
    Excerpts from pages 150 to 153 from Love Letters to Pope John Paul II
     (These were written before the church scandals came out)

    If it weren’t for people like your patriarchy promoting homophobia, this priest would not have been ousted for ministering to the homosexual population. You promoted the service to fear and hate rather than to God or Love.

    Father Persecuted asked me to contact his superior in the Oregon Province about the crimes committed against him. Father Persecuted lamented to me that his superior, Frank Case, SJ, rationalized to Father Persecuted, “Well, it’s a heterosexual world.” Father Heterosexual World (Frank Case, SJ) allowed Father Persecuted to be denounced by your Cardinal Homophobia. Father Heterosexual World served the Black Pope in Rome. I have to wonder if Frank Case, himself chatted with Cardinal Homophobia so that Father Heterosexual World would be disassociated from homosexuality.
    The summer before the scandal of 1995, a Jesuit from the Oregon Province had died of Aids. Father Heterosexual World had been inundated by calls from the press. Father Persecuted found said told me that the Oregon Province found the coverage to be overwhelming. Give the Order’s fear from my single voice; I imagine that it was chaos for them. Just this past May 1999, the Sunday magazine, Sixty Minutes, featured a story about a former novice of the Order suing for sexual harassment. The novice was gay but felt that he had been sexually harassed when his novice master asked him if he wanted to masturbate together.
    Don’t you see what your homophobia is doing to the Church? It is making the issue go underground in a shameful way. Did you ever think that the Holy Spirit brings these scandals to the Church in order to wake up the Church that homosexuals are here to stay?
    In my experience, the Holy Spirit is the feminine part of the Trinity and She is not going to give up on this issue. You might want to deal with it yourself, your Holiness.

    Father Persecuted told me, “Whatever your emotional problems are they have not affected your intelligence. You struck a raw nerve when you pronounced that the administration of the University was homophobic.”
    People have the idea that people with mental illness are not bright. Often, people with mental illness see things so clearly and have trouble handling the frustration of what they see.
    I was tired. My Lutheran Minister brother in law told me to be careful in graduate school at the university. He felt they would try to stop my graduation. I was too much in search of faith to begin to think of what the consequences for my academic life would be. The scandal wiped out the life of God at the University…
    God was telling me in my imagination to rest. I just did not know that it was because I was about to go into battle for my career. At that time, I did not know about your being sued by a former Jesuit for divorce. If I had known I would have had a clue of just how far the Order would go to destroy anyone who challenged Catholic corruption. The case where you along with the Jesuits were sued did not reach my attention until they had succeeded in defaming me.
    The attorney, Carl E. Person, for the excluded Jesuit gave me permission to write you about the case once I discovered it in my research……According to Carl E. Person’s case, a Jesuit who took his vows seriously entered the Wisconsin Province in 1962 which was the same year and same province that the Novice Master who emotionally abused me entered the Order. Attorney Person alleges:
    From 1966 to 1990, plaintiff complained to defendants that the Jesuit community lifestyle was contrary to the vow of poverty taken by plaintiff and all other Jesuits.
    Did the case shock you, your Holiness? The Jesuit complained about the misuse of the church’s money by specific Jesuits and he also complained of the church’s toleration of sexual improprieties. Your Holiness, this priest went all the way to see you in Rome with his concerns for the Church. This Priest even used the threat of going to the press to get the order to live in a way that Jesus wanted. This Holy Priest felt compelled to threaten such drastic measures to get Jesus back into the Order. I understood that feeling of desperation to restore Jesus to the world affecting Jesuits. According to Attorney Person the Holy Jesuit threatened to go to the press for two reasons:
    1. A Priest (at a specific place) was sexually abusing freshman Jesuits, two of whom came to the plaintiff talked about suicide because they could not get away from the sexual overtures of the male Jesuit superior.
    2. and a Jesuit was stealing money from the treasury of the said University and the Provincial and University were refusing to apply any sanctions to the Jesuit or (alleged) thief.

    The Jesuit did not go to the press, your Holiness. Attorney Person wrote in the case, “….plaintiff told the Provincial that plaintiff could no longer live in Jesuit community which tolerated such (alleged) misuse of money, and where (alleged) pervasive homosexuality (by priests with priests, students of the university and others) was permitted but marriage by priests was not. As a result of no longer living in the Jesuit residence the plaintiff was no longer permitted to each at x University and was thereby terminated in his employment by defendants x and x priests.
    The Holy Jesuit went to New York after that and according to Attorney Person while the Holy Jesuit was gone, “x ransacked plaintiff’s room and took two drawers full of notes including evidence of the matters about which plaintiff had threatened to go public including material on x himself.”
    Rome knew about this, your Holiness. The sincere Jesuit was in direct contact with all of you during that time including the Black Pope for whom the Holy Jesuit once worked.
    Cardinal O’Connor told the Holy Jesuit to keep his mouth shut and literally threw him out on the street penniless. And homeless. The now Holy ex-Jesuit got a job at the Library of Congress. He then lost the job because one of the officers of the Library of Congress had been told my Jesuits at X University and at x Church in X that plaintiff was a troublemaker, which caused the Holy ex Jesuit to lose his job. Even when he worked as a security guard for $8.00 per hour he was fired. The Security Guard Company was told at the time that information had been given about the Holy Ex Jesuit that he was a troublemaker and a priest not in good standing.
    From growing up in an Irish Catholic Town and then going to and Irish Catholic College I was not prepared for the scandal that I discovered at the University.
    The year that the Novice master and the Holy Ex Jesuit entered the same Novitiate was the year of my birth. My sister, Sheila, told me that my father came home to tell my five siblings, “The angels have brought us a beautiful baby girl named, Teresa Joanne.” I grew to wonder if those same angels put me in this on purpose, and I grew to worry that not even the angels were strong enough to spare me from the University’s street thug attorney’s retaliation that followed.
    12:19 pm
    The Universal Man Versus Pontius Pilate
     For my beloved Ghost

    I scour over Catholic blogs to see
    what the needy are saying, it is
    the need, what do I need, that
    dictates their moral theology:
    "I need to be a masculine man."
    A conservative brand of need
    blogs for men to be men, he
    announces that feminist men have
    killed the Catholic Church, not
    feminist wombs for who would hear
    a woman howling in the dark if a
    man did not respond. I think of
    your chopping wood, digging in the
    dirt to plant seeds and rowing out
    a harvest of potatos. Your lean
    strong muscular body, that carried
    a bat when a hermaphrodite threatened
    you, and you merely asked as you
    held the bat, "Did you want to say
    something to me?" No, no, like any
    bellowing tyrant she/he ran off in
    the cab, and I warned you through our
    Berlin Floor built by patriarchs,
    "Be careful you are the integration
    of the anima and animus for which she
    lusts." I worried. Now I see that
    the patriarchs blame the likes of you
    for giving women voice to their wombs:
    women could not claim their voice on
    their own, a man must have let her be
    in liturgy as the Novice Master claimed
    to me, "I let women be in liturgy, see
    I am the powerful he said to me, I can
    let you speak or not speak in the house
    of God, i have the power over womb too."
    Holy Ghost, you are different, you speak your
    voice and listen. I don t know how
    a male could be more rugged than you.
    "Use the intellect to be a catholic they say",
    you instead take the ritual, leaving your
    Phd in thinking in your study, digging
    into the earth, pushing, pulling, sewing,
    weeding, harvesting, composting, finding
    the liturgy of the earth, and God how it
    inspires the world around you, me too,
    you are a catholic, a universal individual
    grounded in the earth's ritual with love.

    t.doyle
    11/20/09

    The word Catholic (katholikos from katholou — throughout the whole, i.e., universal) occurs in the Greek classics, e.g., in Aristotle and Polybius, and was freely used by the earlier Christian writers in what we may call its primitive and non-ecclesiastical sense----from the catholic encyclopedia http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/03449a.htm
    9:35 am
    The Fall Out from being stalked by the FBI for the Jesuits
     Let's be clear, it's not all Jesuits, only the group thinkers that think you all have to think the same thing.

    Also for those of you new to this blog, the goal was to mock and stalk me because of my sense of justice to have me protest especially the Novice Master and then they could get me for stalking them. I wouldn't do it.

    I can tell my mortgage is stress on my mother.

    Last year when she showed up at the firing tbe CEO originallly said, "We'll let you resign"

    I shrugged to say, "I am not resigning"

    My mother demanded a letter to say why i was being fired.

    He wouldn't give it

    I said, "Mom let's go."

    She said, "I am not leaving until I get that letter."

    He said, I am calling the police.

    She said, "You are going to look pretty foolish calling the police on a 80 year old woman."

    This is stress for her, he thought he could fire me because I was powerless with the FBI on me.

    I got out of the room and left her there as soon as he said he was calling the police because i know if you have a mental illness the police blame you. I then asked for a meeting with the former CEO.

    Everything I warned them about came true (documentation was mailed to me to show it). And then staff would tell me how the former boss would be bad mouthing me months after i was fired for bringing up ADA concerns.

    Mom is worried about my taxes going up on my condo.

    Today, Mom said, "People should just rise up and tell that mayor you don't need a library, your taxes are going to go up."

    I said, "I don t want it either but Michele likes libraries."

    MOm said, "I like them too, but not there, there is no bus access and parking, it's a stupid spot. No wonder he wanted to get rid of what's her name.."

    I cut in to say "Brenda Konkel?"

    Mom said, "Yes because she has some brains. Is she still active?"

    I said, "Oh yeah, she has a blog, she watches him like a hawk and she has a following. Bridget Maniaci only one by a few votes."

    http://brendakonkel.blogspot.com/

    What i find interesting are the people that say when folks are being neglected or abused, "Why didn't anyone speak up?"

    This is why folks.
    9:08 am
    Dear Society of Jesus otherwise known as the Jesuits
     My mom woke me up early to say, "Terri, you have to call your mortgage company they are firing Tim Geiger"

    I called.

    I had sent a fax last week asking for negotiation.

    I am being retrained in a field that guarantees more money.

    I have the funding for that field.

    But i am about to go into forclosure.

    And this 81 year old woman is borrowing against her house.

    Thank you the Society of Jesus.

    A year ago I brought up American with Disabilities Act concerns and the CEO thought it was easier to get rid of me than deal with the claim.

    He saw me as being weak cuz the FBI was on me and he made up tales and my former boss spread them.

    Meanwhile the issues that hurt the vulnerable were never dealt with, reports came to me as well as paper documentation that showed this

    Meanwhile you all just read and do nothing.

    I still have parents of people who suffer from schizophrenia coming up to thank me for my work.

    I made Kathleen Falk's county money because when I left the place was $8750.00 in the whole by May (documented papers on that) and I had always kept them above by at least 4000.00.

    Plus I saved the county money by keeping people out of Mendota.

    This is your legacy Novice Master.
    Thursday, November 19th, 2009
    11:20 pm
    Richard Roach SJ versus Group Think
     This morning i got up and i made healthy foods to have around. And I notice that when I do that, mom has extra energy. She remains unconscious to this. It's important to me to do it. We had fun.

    We talked politics. We talked with the woman who cleans for her and became mom's friend.

    Mom told me about the Novice Master, "I saw him once, and I didn't like him."

    She immitated him and said he was wearing tight shirts and a jacket. She said, "I did not like him."

    I think he went to my brother, Tom, because i never said a bad thing about Tom and i loved him and he was jealous of that regard.

    I still love Tom and I dedicated my book to him.

    Father Roach initially teed me off because he said all feminists hated their fathers.

    I loved my father. It was such a real relationship. I told him off and I laughed with him and I loved him.

    Then, i had Tom to whom i sent my poetry.

    You need to blame those two men for my belief in my self. No one outpowers them. No one.

    Your goal in this is to bring me down and to discredit my voice as a writer. You can't outpower my experience of my father and my brother and the rest of my family .

    I told her that the Novice Master told me about Father Roach, "Teresa, get away from him he's not going to change."

    I told her, "I wasn't going to get away from him, I was going to tell him what i thought."

    Father Roach and I did not agree on women's role in the Church. We argued passionately.

    But I remember his telling us one day, "That if you take the veneer off of people you will find them likable."

    I believe the group think tank that went after him were insecure. The hurt homosexual was given $500.00 in living expense money from one of the former Jesuits who argued with Roach.

    There were moments where we found common ground. I made a comparison between Ignatious and Martin Luther and he said, "that is brilliant there are people writing books on that very idea."

    It was shocking to see the group go after him.

    The fall out of being stalked under the auspices of trying to find out who told me the FBI was on me when the FBI told me.

    They wanted and want my demise.
    9:18 pm
    Dear FBI (editted)
     If you decide to put Jim or jessie on my path? I am not going to do anything, I'll simply say, "E.T. call home."

    I ask people that know what he is like to write the White House now so that they don t consider him for any kind of position.

    If i seem mean, well this man in the name of brother hood to the Lucey's used his power as Attorney General to stalk me with the FBI.

    Revealing that non suburban types found his wife unwelcoming and judgemental is nothing compared to what he does to women.

    Jim Doyle knew that Barbara Lawton would be able to run and win speaking out on failed years as governor.

    He always has someone else do his dirty work ---usallly a woman.

    What he did to Barbara Lawton is the oldest form of sexism

    Please write the Democratic party and the White House not to put him in a position. Maybe he can volunteer to work at one of the Wisconsin prisons where he imprissoned his two adopted African American son's brothers and sisters with his TRUTH AND SENTENCING that made us the most racist prison system in the country and cost us money.

    Keep your message short just say, "no Governor Jim doyle for White House post"

    http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/
    8:30 pm
    Jim Doyle has an issue with thinking women
     I told mom that Governor Jim Doyle's staffer reportedly came after Barbara Lawton with gossip that would destroy her. It's irrelavant gossip.

    I just said, "I hate Jim Doyle, Mom, but i am not going to do anything about it."

    She said, "There is nothing you can do, but he is dirty; he is just dirty."

    She said of Barbara Lawton, "The reason I liked her is that she is friendly but aloof."

    Maybe he's jealous that Barbara Lawton is pretty and attractive and he's stuck with E.T.

    It's true, a former student of hers said that students used to call Jessica Doyle, E.T. Oh, she likes the nice kids but the troubled kids? She reportedly would stare at them as they sat at a library table; she would just glare at them.

    Real teachers don't stare and glare, they transform troubled kids.

    So Jimmy, what happened in Stanford to make you run home to mommy and daddy your senior year?

    Something with a woman? A scandal of some sort? Because you have issues with thinking women.

    Nobody leaves Standford to come back to Madison. Nobody. Especially people like you who want power.

    So what's the cover up in Stanford, Jim Doyle?
    6:17 pm
    4:48 pm
    Richard Roach, SJ
     Richard Roach, SJ
    http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:9R6-osexl9sJ:http://vox-nova.com/2008/11/20/return-to-vashon/+%22father+richard+roach%22&hl=en&ct=clnk

    I exposed the scandal at the end of July 1995 to all sides of Jesuits.

    Father Roach would have met this man right after so much pain brought on by his own brothers.

    He wrote to me, "You proclaimed the truth of truths when you wrote Al Diulio and the others 'this is homophobia'".

    In his class i argued with him. Women told me, "Teresa we thought what you thought but were afraid to say it."

    I wasn't afraid to stand up to his holding up patriarchy. Yet he gave me a good grade.

    The scandal came later. I never would have dreamt i would stand up for this conservative priest, but what was done to him in the name of homophobia and group think was not Catholic.

    He was a real priest. I don t need a priest to be liberal to think that s/he is a real priest and in my book I write that the day we all long to be nobody nuns instead of somebody priests is the day we have reached authenticity.

    Father Roach told me of the Novice Master "I always thought he was cold" It wasn't a long discussion on the Novice Master.

    And Jean Claude this swiss psychologist that I met before 1995 and spoke with for one hour said to me, "In my experience cold people don't change."

    My sister said to me back in 1995 about the hurt homosexual, "Terri, the same dark cloud comes over the phone when you talk about this hurt homosexual that came over the phone when you talked about the Novice Master"

    So, this week i announced to michele, "I no longer try to understand dark clouds I just get away from them."

    If you feel bad about yourself instantly when you first meet someone as I did when I met that Novice MAster it's a sign they have a personality disorder and listen to your body and run like hell to save yourself pain.

    When I met Ghost I trusted no one. I had been harassed and invaded in so many ways. I didn't even know that i was terrified until my mom told me that Mr. Meyer said, "She doesn't seem as afraid as she used to be."

    Mr. Meyer meant that I would say hi.

    Around that time Ghost moved in and I remember he would walk from his car with a bag of Willy Street Groceries on Saturday when I would be leaving and He wouuld hold the bag walking while looking at me and I would look right back and the perceptive part of me told myself "He is looking at you as if you are a wild animal and he doesn't want to spook you."

    HE didn't move toward me and he didn't move away from me.

    That has been the story of our spiritual relationship through the Berlin Floor.

    I didn't know I was dependent on him until he went away. Now, since reading his book 3 times because i am basing a character on him I realize he must have gone to West Virginia and out east to see the chestnut trees.

    But he left and i started having panic attacks at night. I had never had them. I told mat and mat said to drink chamomile tea.

    then, ghost came back and the panic attacks left.

    I have to wonder if he showed up at Christmas Eve and Christmas last year because he knew I was sad from being fired yet again for this stalking by the FBI.

    He was there. He had left earlier in the week with his army long coat and carrying his guitar and he came back on xmas eve.

    I was out of my mind from despair and loss of friendship. As always he sat through it with me.

    I would not be alive if Mat Gleason had not given this to me when it cost 25.00 and I am #800,000 before it went to the millions because of Mat's vision.

    But i also would not be alive and thriving if this man who is strong enough to bear witness had not moved in below me.

    The first time i met him he said to tell him if his music disturbed me. Now i yell to him, I hate jazz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it doesn t do any good he tries to jazz up my life.

    But then i was so withdrawn my mother describes it as being a burn victim who flinches when she sees fire.

    I said to him< "I don t hear anything."

    Then, i asked him what some huge black moth was which he was photographing and he told me the proper name which i can not remember.

    I said, "Oh, my mother was wondering. She's a teacher."

    He said, "I teach."

    I was getting my mail out of my mailbox and I looked inside of the box knowing i had to say something, "I am a writer."

    He said, "I write."

    I looked at him and shrugged to say, "I am not published though."

    He shrugged bac to say, "Well, if you write then you are a writer."

    He was congruent. His words match his body; there are no mixed messages with him.

    I felt no shame when i met him. I felt safe. He doesn t have a personality disorder in other words he is not a dark cloud.

    Your street thug attorney and your Irish Mafia have enjoyed keeping us apart, but it only made us more connected spiritually.

    You threaten everybody who may like me with obstruction of justice and you even make people who don t want participate be part of your persecution of me.

    I told my mom tonight, "Oh, i yelled to the guy below through the floor when Sarah Palin was on saying about oil in alaska, drill baby drill, i said, hey i need some pictures hung so that's what i have to say to you drill baby drill."

    She laughed.

    She used to be mortified when i would sing to him "I love you, Ghost" when she was there to tease her reserve.

    she used to say, "Oh Terri"

    I said to her tonight, "I know he smiles at some of the things i say, i can feel it."

    He is a male who would long to be a nobody nun rather than a somebody patriarchal priest.

    I love this man.
    4:10 pm
    For those of you new to blog about stalked by the FBI for exposing persecution of Father Roach
     I don t receive e mail to this blog; I don t know how to get to it. So if you send it, i don t see it. The links i included below give an oversight.

    Explanation of the FBI stalking me to find out who told them they were on me back in 1996 for standing up for Catholicism based on compassion and morality.

    http://6authored2.livejournal.com/1774666.html

    A meeting with David Sylvester

    http://6authored2.livejournal.com/1774151.html

    A poem I wrote about Ghost

    http://6authored2.livejournal.com/1774853.html

    This link below describes my the Irish town i grew up in. Mrs. McCardle, a high school teacher of mine said to me in high school, "I always thought that you and Brian Doyle were born in the wrong era, I thought the two of you should have been born in the 60's." I didn t tell her that I was already coming to believe that teh 60's people were not good on follow through but i was silently shocked because i loved that cousin privately. I even remember the last time i saw him was in a park near our house when his niece Jessie was 2. He took her down to the park to let her play. She's a mother now. I didn t vocalize at the time how much he and others in this town influenced my life by the way they loved literature.

    http://6authored2.livejournal.com/1768806.html

    My favorite book and website

    http://djbuege.com/

    The most poignant words i have read this year:

    "Our smug sense of superiority regularly insulates us from moral sensibility, especially regarding miscarriages of justice."-------Bill Lueders
    http://www.thedailypage.com/isthmus/article.php?article=27406
    Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
    9:35 pm
    Richard Roach, SJ
     http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:9R6-osexl9sJ:http://vox-nova.com/2008/11/20/return-to-vashon/+%22father+richard+roach%22&hl=en&ct=clnk

    I exposed the scandal at the end of July 1995 to all sides of Jesuits.

    Father Roach would have met this man right after so much pain brought on by his own brothers.

    He wrote to me, "You proclaimed the truth of truths when you wrote Al Diulio and the others 'this is homophobia'".

    In his class i argued with him. Women told me, "Teresa we thought what you thought but were afraid to say it."

    I wasn't afraid to stand up to his holding up patriarchy. Yet he gave me a good grade.

    The scandal came later. I never would have dreamt i would stand up for this conservative priest, but what was done to him in the name of homophobia and group think was not Catholic.

    He was a real priest. I don t need a priest to be liberal to think that s/he is a real priest and in my book I write that the day we all long to be nobody nuns instead of somebody priests is the day we have reached authenticity.

    Father Roach told me of the Novice Master "I always thought he was cold" It wasn't a long discussion on the Novice Master.

    And Jean Claude this swiss psychologist that I met before 1995 and spoke with for one hour said to me, "In my experience cold people don't change."

    My sister said to me back in 1995 about the hurt homosexual, "Terri, the same dark cloud comes over the phone when you talk about this hurt homosexual that came over the phone when you talked about the Novice Master"

    So, this week i announced to michele, "I no longer try to understand dark clouds I just get away from them."

    If you feel bad about yourself instantly when you first meet someone as I did when I met that Novice MAster it's a sign they have a personality disorder and listen to your body and run like hell to save yourself pain.

    When I met Ghost I trusted no one. I had been harassed and invaded in so many ways. I didn't even know that i was terrified until my mom told me that Mr. Meyer said, "She doesn't seem as afraid as she used to be."

    Mr. Meyer meant that I would say hi.

    Around that time Ghost moved in and I remember he would walk from his car with a bag of Willy Street Groceries on Saturday when I would be leaving and He wouuld hold the bag walking while looking at me and I would look right back and the perceptive part of me told myself "He is looking at you as if you are a wild animal and he doesn't want to spook you."

    HE didn't move toward me and he didn't move away from me.

    That has been the story of our spiritual relationship through the Berlin Floor.

    I didn't know I was dependent on him until he went away. Now, since reading his book 3 times because i am basing a character on him I realize he must have gone to West Virginia and out east to see the chestnut trees.

    But he left and i started having panic attacks at night. I had never had them. I told mat and mat said to drink chamomile tea.

    then, ghost came back and the panic attacks left.

    I have to wonder if he showed up at Christmas Eve and Christmas last year because he knew I was sad from being fired yet again for this stalking by the FBI.

    He was there. He had left earlier in the week with his army long coat and carrying his guitar and he came back on xmas eve.

    I was out of my mind from despair and loss of friendship. As always he sat through it with me.

    I would not be alive if Mat Gleason had not given this to me when it cost 25.00 and I am #800,000 before it went to the millions because of Mat's vision.

    But i also would not be alive and thriving if this man who is strong enough to bear witness had not moved in below me.

    The first time i met him he said to tell him if his music disturbed me. Now i yell to him, I hate jazz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it doesn t do any good he tries to jazz up my life.

    But then i was so withdrawn my mother describes it as being a burn victim who flinches when she sees fire.

    I said to him< "I don t hear anything."

    Then, i asked him what some huge black moth was which he was photographing and he told me the proper name which i can not remember.

    I said, "Oh, my mother was wondering. She's a teacher."

    He said, "I teach."

    I was getting my mail out of my mailbox and I looked inside of the box knowing i had to say something, "I am a writer."

    He said, "I write."

    I looked at him and shrugged to say, "I am not published though."

    He shrugged bac to say, "Well, if you write then you are a writer."

    He was congruent. His words match his body; there are no mixed messages with him.

    I felt no shame when i met him. I felt safe. He doesn t have a personality disorder in other words he is not a dark cloud.

    Your street thug attorney and your Irish Mafia have enjoyed keeping us apart, but it only made us more connected spiritually.

    You threaten everybody who may like me with obstruction of justice and you even make people who don t want participate be part of your persecution of me.

    I told my mom tonight, "Oh, i yelled to the guy below through the floor when Sarah Palin was on saying about oil in alaska, drill baby drill, i said, hey i need some pictures hung so that's what i have to say to you drill baby drill."

    She laughed.

    She used to be mortified when i would sing to him "I love you, Ghost" when she was there to tease her reserve.

    she used to say, "Oh Terri"

    I said to her tonight, "I know he smiles at some of the things i say, i can feel it."

    He is a male who would long to be a nobody nun rather than a somebody patriarchal priest.

    I love this man.
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com

Advertisement