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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in written source's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, August 24th, 2016
6:32 pm
Donald Trump Nude Statue Makes Mom laugh
I described Donald Trump's nude statue to Mom.

It showed it standing in New York city and I said, 'Then it was toppled like the statue of Saddam Hussein"

And she erupted into laughter as I described

She's hard to make laugh.

I laugh at so much.  She's hard. And sometimes I can do it like the first thing that made her laugh is when I told her that the wrong Miss Universe was named and Steve Harvey had to tell the newly crowned queen that she was the runner up.

Mom started laughing and said of the one dethroned, "Oh, that poor girl."
6:28 pm
How it is
I notice that your CNA who is gay isn't talking to me.  Let me tell you he never said a thing to me.  No one here did.

Nor do I go to the state.

I don't need him to talk to me but this goes along with this homophobic stalking of a gay man in the curia who worked so hard in manipulation and calculation to get to be the top Poop.

And meanwhile Leonard Peltier gets no help from the Jesuitts at his reservation to get out.

He's innocent.

Stop terrorizing innocent people.

I can say this in all neutrality.
6:10 pm
Supper in Iowa
My style is up front and direct, I don't need groups to take someone on.  I take them on myself.

I called Cath.  And i said, "I am not going to the state about anything."

Cath said, "Well, you have to go if she is being abused."

I only went the time the 2 nurses called the in law and the in law was going to roll  Mom away from me and then went ontp dosciss Mom's case to Cath as they defended their actions.

Now, the sreaming lady is screaming down the hall way she was screaming in the cafeteria and a resident started pounding the table.

It is stress for the residents and Mom said, 'I don't know why she is allowed to stay here.'

I said, "They are low on residents."
.
Mom thinks her son likes to put on a show with her

I asked, "You do?"

She said, 'Why would you have her at supper screaming if he didn't get some of joy out of  it."

Mom's mind is just fine.

I notice that her sense of control is shaky in that she feels she has none.

I came back from eating a healthy dinner of kale and other things and she said, "It's hard to get old."

I said, 'I know."

She said something that was self blaming

I said, 'It's not your fault they never should have had you stop walking'

They being Dr Jolly who is a joke in Platteville
4:23 pm
m
3:40 pm
Well, it took 30 minutes
It took 30 minutes.  The CNA said that they have 12 patients for every 2 CNA's.

I said, "They should hire more."

She said, "They won't."

I said, "I wonder what you do in case of a fire."

She said, "They have procedures for that."

Mom asked, "But are the procedures effective?"

The CNA didn't answer.  I don't blame the CNA

And I feel totally neutral.

Mom said as she pointed to her roommate who was sleeping, "Look it, isn't that the blanket you got me?"

I said, 'Yes."

She said, "They do that all of the time, they take my stuff and give it to her.  They had to get that out of my closet."

Mom said, 'YOu tell them......"

I said, "No, Mom I am not going to do that.  I am not your power of attorney, he has do it or you have to do it."

They let the guy out of the office meeting.  Why would you have an hour and a half meeting and then call a CNA into the office for another half hour.

So I said to them, "Mom is upset that she is using her blanket."

The CNA said, "Oh is that yours, I am sorry I....."

Mom's power of attorney can fight mom's battles.

The CNA told me that all nursing homes are like this and I said, "She was in one in Cuba City and they came right away and they had portable phones so if I called the phone was taken to my mom"

Mom can be lying awake and if she is in bed she doesn't get my call.

So I have freed up my schedule so I can be here more during the week so I can tend to her needs.
3:18 pm
Mom

Mom has some anxiety.

I asked, "Did you tell any one here about your anxiety?"

She said, "No they will think I am crazy."

So she tells me.

She needs to sleep and I pressed the button and I said to a worker, "It's been ten minutes and no one else has come."

So thew worker went to get someone.   She said, "They just came out of a meetting."

Mom said, "They always have excuses, it takes ten or 20 minutes for them to respond."

They don't have enough help.  

I am not angry; I aware and she needs to sleep and I will bring her supper tonight.

She told me a few minutes ago, "Don't mind me, Terri.  ......"

I didn't mind her at all and I asked, "Are you telling me You ahve anxiety?"

She said, 'Yes."

I am going back to her room to see if she's lying down now.

3:14 pm
What have you done to free Leonard Peltier today
as you sit on the reservation telling every one the name the Native American's bestowed on you.

Oh, he thoguth he was a big dude back in the day when he would tell the wide eyed girls of Marquette his Wounded Knee stories but where are you ?

And where is your guy in the curia doing anything?

Oh that's right you use the FBI to harass people how could you speak up for Leonard Pelltier

You are stll the 4th grader on the playground who did nothing to stand up to the bully when he picked on other kids.
2:55 pm
I showed Mom my nails and she said,
"Yuck ! "

I laughed and told her the story of my manicurist.  I asked the manicurist, "Is this your first time?"  She said, 'No, my second."
2:52 pm
A + student on staying in peace today
I passed a major test this monring.  I could not find my medication and their operative comes into my condo so he has taken it in the past.  For all I know he sells it on the street.

And I thought my way through it.    I had driven to Monroe Strett and then turned aournd to go back home to find it and i couldn't find it.

And I thought my way through it because their operative wants me to stalk him or any homeless he has double up with him and I refuse to do it and I thought, "Oh so he thinks taking my meds again will have me react?"

And then I accepted that I could not find it and I went over what my options were and i went back to the car and looked in my bag again and there was the med.

It was a brand new lprescription and I forgot it was in a more traditional bottle.

I felt no regret that I lost time on my trip to Dubuque and I was pleased (incredibly pleased) that I did not get upset when I could not find it.

I see their operative as a gift as well; they so want me to react to him and I refuse to do it.

He vindicates me becaue you have to be really unfair and selfish in your actions fo rme to react so he in his harassment of me shows just how bad it was with the great novice master.

And so the side of Madison that changes the world in so many ways (case and point; the little libraries started in Madison are spreading all over the country though no town is like Madison, they are everywhere) Cheers you on Jim bo we want you to be Le Poop Noir ! 
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2016
4:47 pm
Mom
I called Mom and I had to call back 3 times in order for her to hear me.  The phone is defective.  And that's not such a big deal I just do it but she is having a hard time today.
I said, I will be there tomorrow but I can come tonight if you need me.

She said,  no tomorrow is okay I have something to look forward too.

She said, I am all alone.

I said, People like you there.

This morning I told some kids she was in a nursing home.

They asked, why?

I told them she needed more help.

A year ago I couldn't even mention her to them because I would have cried.  I am so strong now.

There is a vulnerability in her that moves me.

So there she is feeling alone in her Asperger world and yet on some level she demands that loneliness.

We're all like that I suppose, we want time alone but not too much time alone all of the time.

I notice I don't feel responsible and she doesn't try to make me feel responsible.

I am leaving the paint on my nails to show her the first grader's work ! 

One littel guy told me, 'I hate Iowa."  He knows I go to Iowa and it takes me from him (in his mind) I told him, "Do you know that when I go to Iowa I tell my mom and my friend how smart you are."

Actually I told my mother something the kid did at school and she said, "That kid is super smart."

He is.

Sometimes the smart ones need more like my mom has special needs. 
1:59 pm
My novel gives me an escape
I find myself thinking about scenes

I do this with poems, too, once I write them I will go away and go over them in my head.

The ending of my Christmas Novel has my mind right now.   I took a line that the Inuit used in their gift giving.

I did the research in Dubuque.  And then wrote it last night.

I got new ideas from that ending to put in the middle of the book.

For me this is freedom
1:27 pm
The World as it is
Today someone was comparing some behaviors to a Maury Povich show.  I said, "If a person watches that show he will think it is an awful world."

The person said, "It is an awful world"

And this person is one of the most unique people I have ever gotten to know.  He is the essence of being international.  I have been in public with him and I watch as he is a citizen of the world.

I said, 'Yeah, it is."

An image tha thas lived in me for the past couple of weeks that i have not spoken of is of Jewish people in the country being killed.  It was on PBS; they just lined the people up and shot them and put them in Mass graves and what got me is that a person who went back to the site later said that the mound of dirt over them was moving because they were still alive.

Then, you look at Syria and these children being bombed.

Does any one in this world know what attachment disorders are?  A primary caretaker who is loving can change the world by offering good citizens.

But these kids are losing their parents and/or primary caretakers and it's going to make the world a different place.

I love watching Dick Cavett each night because it shows brilliant poeple full of ideas and these causes that we care about were discussed then as well.  But no host has the kinds of guests he had on for discussions.

I remember Dr. Ulrich coming into his office upset because he had found out that the Nazi's and gone into a town in Denmark and convinced the people to kill their Jewish Neighbors who had been in the town for years.

I had that same knid of mindset against me.  How dare I question Jim Grummer's Order's homophobia when he was on a systematic quest to climb.

They went into my hometown where my father was loved because he was a giver.  He tended to people so well  and he had joy and he was fun.   He was caring.

I listen to Joel Osteen talk about how we can reap the benefits of our parents and that's what happened; you went into a town and that was your mistake.

But arrogant people assume when they run campaigns against people that the silent ones agree with them.

Now, you have a Willy Street Poser who violates my privacy and then feels sorry for himself because he is outted on the East Side of Madison.

You can have him bait me with the female (they key my car by the way) and I don't react.

Isn't it interesting he is upset with me because I call him on his issues.

That is the mindset.

When Marquette called Larry Hopwood asking him to flunk me he said with his John Hopkins scientist degree, "I will judge for myself."

and he saw that my clients got better in that what they scaled themselves as when they came in was lower than what they scaled themselves when they left .  And they were from a socio-economic level that did not return to counseling appointments and these clients did.

Bleassed are the people who can think for themselves.

And for the people wanted me to feel bad about myself, you have never encountered anything outside of your groups that show how hard people can be.

In fact your need for a group shows your weakness.

We just have to find moments of beauty in spite of how we are as a world.

Those guys at the parking lot taught me how to survive this:  1) Trust no one  2) Don't bite their bait 3) Silence is power
12:19 pm
I got a manicure !

from a first grader and she said after she did, 'There now you know how to do it"

And one hand has red nails and the other has purple and her 2nd grade brother said, "It will look really beautiful if you put purple on that hand."

And then she put glitter on my nails and she said, "show my dad."

I held up my nails.

And it was just good to be with them.

The little ones asked, 'Are you coming back tomorrow?"

I said,   "i am going to Iowa tomorrow."

It was good to be with them.

This will be my 4th school year with them.

And I am taking it easy this year to work on my book.  I used to do all these things to help Mom with her needs and now I am down to just me and it's all so simple and I can write.

I also have Joel Osteen as a rrecording in my brain and he blocks out any critics or negativity.    It helps with focus and I am focused on my writing.

Monday, August 22nd, 2016
3:02 pm
The Last Scene is complete
I just wrote the last scene in my Christmas Novel and I am pleased with it.

My strength as a writer is that I like to edit my work, I find it to be creative and I edit my poems constantly so it feels natural.

This scnee worked out well so now the rest of the summer and fall I have to put my other scenes together.

The book makes me happy.

Weedy Oak's inspiration is going to be part of the success of this book.

and boy did i find a nice spot to write this today.
1:32 pm
staying focused
Today I started the day wiht the view, "Not every thing is going to go my way and that's okay."

It's a way to serve the higher self/spirit or gain detachment.

And well I got some fries at McDonald's which isn't something I do and I logged it into my food journal and I cracked myself up as I said to my body, "I have sinned against you, and I beg your forgiveness"  as the minister Jimmy Swagart said on national tv after having an affair.

I feel free again.

Things do not ahve to go the way I expect and I prepare myself ahead of time, this may go like this or that but you will be okay.

I am going to work on my writing and then go home to clean.

Some adullts who are uncles and aunts to a 3 year old said that they walked into the house of the 3 year old an adult in teh house got mad because the 3 year old was excited to see them and could not focus on the lunch she just made adn she threw the food on the floor with the plate for the dog and said, "I am sick of this shit."

Who does that to a 3 year old? 

So I am incorporating that scene into my novel to explain why the town monster became the town monster.   So off to writing !
12:27 pm
A good man
There is another good man in Cassville Wisocnsin who was in a terrible motorcycle accident.  He quite Flexsteel last Friday to start a better job and he had the wreck and now they aren't keeping the job open for him.

He and his wife run the Silver Spigot Saloon in Casville Wisconsin.

I just clicked on it and there they are having a fund raiser for the town's fire equipment.
http://www.silverspigotsaloon.com/



Dylan and his band were playing there and Andy who is Dylan's cousin and also my nephew was sitting iwth me.

And this man said at the end of the night, "You get up there and play too."

And Andy went back up to play the guitar with the band.

People went up to Andy afterwards ; he had played earlier and he's really good as is Dylan.

I admire men who are kind and not showy and this man is that.    He could tell Andy wanted to play and so he had him go up there.

I gave him a 20 to give to his daughter for waiting on us becasue I was so grateful to his kindness.
12:08 pm
I left out a kindness detail
I left out an important detail of the anecdote we heard from my former client about Ghost which i wrote in this link: http://6authored2.livejournal.com/4026762.html

The client said, "Usually he is with the kids who have trouble learning"

Ghost told someone I know 7 years ago, "You can't save them all of them but the ones you can save are so worth saving"

Well by now, you know he is a health nut.  He refers to it on line as "a health enthusiast"

My former client told us that day, "The others were going to get a soda and he gave me a dollar and said, 'Don't tell anybody.'"

This is who he is, he didn't want the kid to be left out, even though Ghost has referred to coke as vile coke in his comments on the Monkey Bar Gym years ago.

I love his hands because they are not soft palmed hands.   They know work from the earth.

The former client is Hispanic.

He came into the group home tough and hard.

He grew to say about me after he got angry his first week there,   "She said to me, 'who do you think you are talking to?"

He said,  "I thought, 'she just stood up to me'  I couldn't believe it."

He was the client who turned in two checks to me that my mother endorsed and they weren't made out to anyone; they fell out of my pocket.

And he only got ten dollars a week spending money; he could have made them out to someone and spent it.

He was a good kick who had messed up parenting.

Sometimes you have to be tough, consistent and kind to reach people.

It's like the time I worked in the homeless shelter and this woman had been dropped off in the middle of the night because jail and prisons let you out at their convenience.

A week later she came to the office where they got their supplies and staff sat and she was so rude to me and going to bully me because I had enforced a rule and I said to her as she was 3 inches from me, "I am not your prison guard."

She softened.  I was tough and clear with no judgment when I said it.

In my time there no one ever got beat up while I worked because I went in there at 9 p.m to hang around them so teh bullies couldn't take over the tv room plus there were women suffering from severe mental illness that I felt protective of they did okay if I let them sit in this room with their back to the walls as they slept.

I used to say, "It was like a psych ward with no one on medication."

Not every one had mental illness but there life stresses on these people that could make anyone appear mentally ill.

In advocacy work, you have to tell the one in need, "Okay this is how it is and this is what 'society' expects of you"  And then in your vocal work you advocate against the injustice.

When I used to work with various populations I would think,   "The great novice master would never be able to hande these people."

I was nothing compared to them.

I used to say to him, "You serve the pretty poor."

You know the people who know their place.

He really wasn't for the poor because he was ashamed his brother did not make a lot of money as a golf pro and yet his brother is kind to his own kids and I am sure a better priest as a bar tender.

These shunners want you to believe you are the worst person in the world.
Sunday, August 21st, 2016
11:12 pm
Some aren't seeing my humor

Well some people aren't seeing I am joking thta All Cancers Matter in that my point is that we have walks for individual cancers so why can't a group of people who come from a history of slavery and of building this country because without the slaves we wouldn t have become a power house, what is worng with them saying we matter.

Tonight I was going on about this joke to mom speaking on the issues of African Americans and the people who feel trheatened by the notion of them lifting themselves up and I suddenly said to her after realzing that I was pontificating, "This is where T. G. would have said, 'thank you, Margaret Mead.'"

And Mom laughed.

I said, One night I was lecturing him on compassion and he said, "thank you, Margaret Mead" and I burst out laughing at myself.

He's the one who asked about Shullsburg, "What were you a bunch of Yeats?"

Callen Harty kind of proves that we were.

He's also the one who said after the novice master pulled his final move,  and said, "I am going to the Orient and I will decide if we can continue this when I get back."
I made sure there would be no future

And TG asked me, "Teresa, what's the matter?"

I told him that the guy changed his mind again.

TG said, 'Oh, Teresa, you are a beautiful person."

We had an honest friendship.   We hung out in that underground parking lot all of the time and one summer he read to me from John Steinbeck's GRAPES OF WRATH   and I moaned "If you keep reading to me from that book I am going to kill myself."

He knew me; he said, "You are territorial, you have this message that \says don't come into my corner.  You are not welcome."

He also said, "Doyle, we will be having so much fun and suddenly you just go away."

He's talkign about marking each other with markers and that is the part of me that he spoke of that has to re energize from within.

He told me, "Doyle, you are from the most impoverished county in the state of Wisconsin"

Yet my mother got us all educated.  Few of us finished at teh same high schools in my family.

TG read the letter from Al DiUlio that warnedme not to go to the press with the scandal and he said, "Doyle, I am afraid I am going to find you at the bottom of the MIlwaukee river."

Enter the FBI who does teh work for egomaniacs adn terrifies innocent people with gag orders

10:53 pm
He's my opposite
One of the things I admire about Ghost from googling him is that people will challenge him and he will come back and explain his position and reconsider and have a discussion with the person except on issuse that he think there is no mroe time for discussion but he explains that as well.

He's my opposite.

One time I heard him yell after Walker cut collective bargaining for teachers.  I heard him expressing himself in a way he never did before, his friend was in his condo and I grew concerned and I said, "That is my role"

You know being upset.  I was teasing but I was sad he was sad.

And one other time early on I think I heard him yell something and it seemed to be in response to someone who was needy.

I am not needy.  I am responsible for my own happiness but I am grateful to people along the way who are kind.

He has unbelievable focus.  He taught himself how to ride a unicycle at 45 and people would interupt him as he did it and he would be polite saying a meaningless "yeah" and keep going.

The first thing I noticed about him when he moved in and he was standing over his aquarium in a baby blue pick up truck that shouldl be in a movie was his focus ; he was oblivious to his long hair flying freely as he told the other guy what to do to help him.
10:44 pm
Do me a favor, shun me, show me who you are.
I got into town and headed for Whole Foods bathroom, the guy closing recognized me because they went in there a long time ago.

I don't care.

I just listened to Joel Osteen's sermon, "Don't give your joy away"  And it had one of the funny stories I heard him tell years ago when I found him on tv when I just had rabbit ears on my tv, he was at Disney Land and his wife wanted to shop and it was late and he was tired carrying a 2 year old and she said, it will just be five minutes and it took longer and he got frustrated and said to her "I am going to the car."  She siad, just wait.  "No i am tired and i am going to the car'

The long and short of it  was that there were countless white rental cars and it took him an hour to find their car and he had to ask for help to do it and when he got there his wife was waiting.

The sermon below helped me so much because he addressed people who shun people and said that they are serving their flesh, things didn't go theiir way so they are going to punish people because people chose to act on their own free will and be who they want to be or be who they think the circumstance requires.

I have done personal work on my own issues tonight but I don't shun people to punish them.

The first week I observed teh great novice master at Marquette he shunned this guy who decided he didn't want to be an R.A. after all and I saw the guy say hi to the Jesuit and then the Jesuit shunned him.  They guy's name was Dan.  I didn't know him but I saw him shunned by the baby ego who served his flesh.

Then, he shunned me in teh middle of counseling with him.  I didn't get that it was a tantrum to get people to do what your will wanted them to do.  It's a cold tantrum so it seems so logical .

Shunning is something siblngs had done to me so it tapped into this empty, frightening place

Then, Annice called me at Clarke to say that Joe Da Via of Marquette Campus Ministry called her to come to the campus ministry because the novice master was there.  The novice master shunned her.

Now, I would laugh in his face.

He even bragged to me one time how he went to watch the NCAA games and it was so depressing with that group Jesusits that he got up and left and went to another place.

So I got into this pattern with him, where he would shun me and it would tap into how siblings were and it would hook me and the result was that I would end up working on me and he did nothing.

He was great shunner.

I now know the secrets of shunners they want your joy, they want you to be as miserable as they are.

I don't oblige.

I compare Ghost to this other dude they have one me.

Ghost has so much self control and the beast they have on me has none.  Drugs, carbs, sedentary life style, tantrums when I don't react to his invasions.

Yesterday in my brief downer I thought, "I just want to eat this away."

But I dind't want to give up the progress I made.

And then I heard the sermon    WHO IS THE BOSS  and I just felt relief.  That expressing that pain publically is really serving the flesh and I want my dreams to come true.

But it also helped me to hear that shunners are little egoes who throw tantrums so you will do what they want.

Do me a favor shun me.

And when I work through these moments of despair and they are simply moments in the scheme of things i think, "Oh good I am responsible for my own happiness."
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