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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in written source's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, February 11th, 2016
5:04 pm
Shadows On The Glass
For the night time skaters at Tenney Park

Shadows on the glass, spirits glide
across the frozen pond.  The lights
show off til the night takes over, the
blades  cut a sound named path.
Eyes stop to look, clouds slow
down from the breathing mounths.
These toes push forward  they
know our journey though fragile
with cracks on a thawing rink holds
beauty made by silver skates toed
to make a mark, skating sounds as
shadowed spirits cut across glass.

4:51 pm
Bill Clinton and Gloria Steinem received the Medal of Honor
on the same day in 2013.   I thought it was revealing and funny !

He as a boss had sex with an intern and she is the feminist of many feminists who remained silent on his behavior.

I thought it was so funny that they got the medal on teh same day.

Clearly from Steinem's recent comments about women who are now the age Monica Lewinsky was at the time of her boss having sex with her, Steiinem just believed that Lewiinksy went where the boy was.

At the time a suburban woman told me, "Monica Lewinsky has done nothing for me."  It was a feminism of convenience.

Wednesday, February 10th, 2016
7:15 pm
I started calling her in teh afternoon to measure the difference of post dinner and she is better in the afternoon.

And if I am there visiting she is okay.

i hate to see her suffer but I think sundowning is happening in her.

I stopped calling after dinner thinking it might upset her.

Tonight she called me and then i said, "They have a pill to help you stop worrying.

She said, Maybe I should take the pill.
7:12 pm
Sundowning happens in institutional living
I am spending the weekend in Dubuque so I asked Cath if she would take Mom dinner tonight because I was not going to be in Dubuque today.

And she did.

This is the time right now when Mom doesn't know where she is and wants to know when she is leaving.  She said, "I don't want to wear out my welcome."

I said, "you will not wear out your welcome, people are makign a living because you are there."

She used to say to me as a kid, "Terri, be home by 5 or you will wear out your welcome."

I listened to her.  I still have that voice in me.

I just found the term I read about years ago regarding the elderly and mood changes, it is called sundowning.

And it happens every night around 6:30 or so that she doesn't know where she is and why she is there and wonders when i am going to get her out.

Part of it is that she can not move her body ; she is stuck in a wheel chair.  one helper said that she wouldn't want to break a hip.  She has really good bones.  Really good bones.  She needs to move her body.  She's a mover.

I found a list of managing sundowning but it happens every night and she turns to me:

Before i foudn this list I told Cath, she needs her rituals.  She needs to use her vicks before she goes to bed.  All of her rituals have been stripped from her life.

Allow for light exposure in the early morning to help set internal clock.

  • Help the person engage in exercise during the day, enough to use up extra energy.

  • Restrict caffeine-containing foods/beverages to morning hours to minimize sleeplessness and agitation later in the day.

  • Plan quiet activities in the late afternoon or early evening for the patient to promote better sleep at night.

  • Stick to a predictable daily routine during the day and establish get-ready-for-sleep rituals. This reduces the need for decision-making and the anxiety it can bring.

  • Play quiet and soothing music; keep it low.

  • Before sundown, turn on the lights. Keep a night-light on in the bedroom while the person sleeps.

  • Engage in another pleasing activity if the person begins to fixate on illogical ideas. Looking at family photos usually helps..

  • Be alert for behavior patterns or activities that appear to trigger the syndrome.

  • Have a doctor examine the person for possible health conditions, e.g. urinary tract infections, allergies, arthritis, the flu, etc., or for effects of medications.

  • Use positive statements in telling the person what to do; negative statements (what not to do) tend to confuse.

  • Avoid becoming agitated yourself when the person is in an agitated state. Speak clearly and slowly. Comfort and soothe, rather than reprimand and scold.

Author Amira Choukair Tame ("ABC’s of Activities for Alzheimer’s: Therapeutic Activities That Work for Persons with Dementia") believes the symptoms associated with Sundowner’s Syndrome become more prevalent as the disease progresses and persons lose control over their bodies. The evening is a time when Alzheimer’s patients become self-reflective and ponder their dimming future. The family caregiver can help make such moments more comfortable by providing support and empathy.

6:57 pm
Bernie Sanders
My brother asked me years ago, "How can you be a feminist and be for Ted Kennedy?"

I said, "Because he is consistently there for the poor and when you are there for the poor you are there for women."

The poor I was referring to is the working poor.
Sunday, February 7th, 2016
4:58 pm
Aspergers versus the sensitivty of bipolar
I am not being yelled at or about any more.

There is woman who joined my mom's prayer chain.

I said to my mom that she yells about me, in what feels like a violent manner and that I was not going to add her and Mom said, add her and pray for her to like you.

I said, 'I don't care if she likes me. I am finished with being around people who yell at me."

But mom made the choice.
4:56 pm
The woman spent years worrying about money so it's hard for her to give that up and I simply say, you have no money worries and you are on vacation here."
4:53 pm
Mom's anxiety
I came back to see Mom before I head back.  I was a minute away via car at Cath's.

Mom had anxiety.

She wanted to know when I was going to take her.

I said, "I like it here, Mom.  It's like a hotel.  There is a sun porch and a living room and the people are good to you."

She said, 'But I am not taking classes next semester.

I have to reserach it more but I am sure that I read that the elderly around dusk can go into anxiety and have memory issues.

Her pants were spliting from the waist so that her undergarments were showing.

The nurse told me that she didn't want to lie down to change and that they told my brother she needed new pants.

I asked, "Does he know the size?"

It's 1 X by the way.

I said, "Good, because I was going to get her pants but now I won't have to do that."

I have been putting money so she gets her hair done every week.

I asked the nurse, "Does she always get anxiety at this time?"

She said sometimes but if it can't be managed she has a prn for it.

I told Mom I would cancel her class at UW Platteville that she is worried about.

There is no class.

And yet she was funny and wonderful.

I said to her, "I like this place so much that I might move in with you.   Wouldn't that be fun?"

She gave a look that even the nurse laughed at.

My mother and I are extreme opposites.

I once said to her, "I should have been your mother."

She shot back, 'Oh, no I had one just like you."

Around this time of night I have to tell her that she is in Dubuque just off of Asbury.

I owe Cath so much that I can go in and out of the basement apartment and that her daughter shares her home with me.

So I write because I think I can make it.

My pen name is going to be after my two Grandmothers,  Roddy Harty

I once asked my mother, "Who am I like?"

She said, 'You are a Roddy."

My dad loved Johanna Harty is mother.

I pray to these women.

What the character, Weedy Oak, will find out in his experience of Christmas in Shullsburg is that Irish Spirituality sustains a town that is in one of the most economically impoverished areas of the state.

And so it goes.
1:13 pm
Permaculture is a version of the solution can be outside of the problem
I listened to a man last night who said that permaculture involves doing waht you want to improve the world and that it is more or less contagious.

I would agree because the way that Ghost lives took over my poetry while they stalked me mercilessly; they still do the point is to humiliate and mortify and I simply don't care.

if she knew we were doing this she would.......

I know.  I don't care.

Thank God For Larry Hopwood giving me the skills to live through all of this.

I simply focus on what matters to me, my mom and my writing.

Yeah, the local dude with his homeless relatives is still on me but I just toss it up to my helping the homeless because as long as he is on me they get the free rent from taxpayers.
1:07 pm
Mom said she ate too much.

I said, "you didn't, it was really healthy."

She said,"I am sleepy from eating."

I said, "you are often tired after I visit you on Saturday why don't you go to sleep and  I will come back to see you later today."

She didn't respond and I said, "I want you to tell me what you want."

She said, I don't know what I want because I don't know how long I will sleep."

I said, "It doesn't matter I will come back."

So she is going to nap and I will be back to see her later.
12:57 pm
More time with Mom
Mom had brunch on the sun porch.

She said she was hungry and I brought the rest of the Whole Foods picnic into her.  I made her toast with the toaster I got her yesterday. 

I am drinking one of the smoothies I made in Madison to bring with me.

We went over her prayer chain and I read what people wrote and I said, "People love you mom."  And she said, "I don't know why I am a plain Jane from Hickory Lane."

Today she wanted a follow up of politics from last night.

10:58 am
2 out of 3 aint bad
I keep track of certain things to manage myself with accuracy.

I have 3 goals that I need to do each day to feel productive 1. exercise 2. write 3. organize

Well, I have done 2 out of the 3 already.  I can't believe how I can tend to my writing life while I am in Dubuque..

I consider research on how to write part of writing.  I just found fabulous (a.k.a useful) information on character development.

I envision my room with lists of prompts hung up to focus me further.

Well off to mom's, had a fabulous sleep last night.
Saturday, February 6th, 2016
10:09 pm
Time with Mom
I have been here for five hours and Mom is not tired yet.

I drank my smoothie earlier and now am hungry.

She said that she enjoyed the debate and was glad I was here to watch it with her to hear what she calls "her stupid comments."

I said, "I love your comments."
10:01 pm
Gloria Steinem said that young women have no minds and are boy crazy !
I can't stand her.

Look it, she spoke at UW Milwaukee in the early 90's and a young woman stood up and spoke on how hard it was to a be a woman at Marquette University.  The young woman asked her what to do.

STeinem said, "Get rid of patriarchy"

Oh now noble !

I said to the person I was with, "I don't think she tended to that woman very well."

Then Steinem took my manuscript and hugged me, oh she said in her Revolution from Within that she often hugged the overweight women that reminded her of her mother.

And well my book is about taking on patriarch and she sold out to the Jesuit power.

She's full of shit.

And now all of these power hungry STeinem feminists can't believe that young women can think for themselves and don't listen to their version of patriarchy.

Steinem worked for the CIA and would have spied on people like Bernie Sanders the left of the left.

To say that these young women can't think and are boy crazy is insulting to their minds and shows the Patrichal femniists are losing !

I am a working class feminist not one of them.
8:34 pm
Loving Madison
I love Madison.  i live by Tenney Park and where we live feels as if we are in a park and our buildings don't compete with the trees or the land we have all over the place.


Today I parked by the ice rink in Tenney Park.

I saw a 60 year old man and his family walking in the snow with their ice skates on.  He moved like he was 40.  Ghost moves like he is 30.

Madison has an air of health to it.

I do so well on Whole Foods food and one of the workers told me that in Arizona they don't sell oatmeal like they do here at Whole Foods.

I love it in Madison.

i told Mom how I bought a dry erase board to write out 16 points that will guide my novels.

It helped so much becuase I look at the points and i think of what i need to do.  I owe finding the  UW writing program to the Middleton Library.  The weekend I spent there focused me in a way that tells me success is possible.   All I had to do was take the #2 bus to it  and i met people from all over.

The teachers were generous with their info and i can go back there for advice on how to get an agent.  I am working on my Chrstmas novel right now.   A secula;r guy who is into permaculture goes to Shullsburg during Christmas in July and is reluctant to take down his guard around these Christmas lovers because he is against materialism but in the end he is transformed for the town introduces him to a new kind of Christmas and he becomes the reluctant hero to save Christmas.

Ghost inspired the lead of my book.  For years I watched him live a life thiat outsihined any dark clouds following me. 

7:37 pm
Watching Republican Debate with Mom !
My favorite CNA just came to say hi.  She looked heart broken for Mom and me on Christmas Eve and I told Cath about her on Christmas.

She just came and said, "I wanted to come and say hi.  Will you be here for the superbowl tomorrow night?"

I said i wasn't sure and then she said, "I'll make sure she is watching it."

I said, "Oh, Thank you."

I do not discuss any past issues with any of them and never have nor will.

Mom just laughed as i told her   Chris Christie has a big butt and you gave me the problem of noticing butts when you pointed out that Al Gore had a big butt

Mom just started laughing.  When she laughs I feel as if I am in heaven.  She is hard to make laugh and part of my tone made her laugh.

They are good to Mom here.  I like it here and am so lucky Cath is half a mile away and that I have such a good friend that I don't even deserve."

Mom said of Marco Rubio, "I don't like him."

I said, "He's not even that smart."

I said, "Chris Christie is really taking him on."

She said of Christie, He is smart, Terri.

She is so much herself tonight !
7:10 pm
Alder Rummel posted that East High School is developing a food pantry

She posted the above link and I read it to mom and she said, "I bet the republicans aren't donating."

I started laughing and I said, "You are on a roll tonight."

She said, "Well it's true."

6:53 pm
Play n Wisconsin


The place sells equipment and parents can buy memberships, pay for the day and/or hold birthday parties there.

I went here today wiht a parent and her two sons.

It was fun !! Every kid was happy including the little boy I was watching.   Then i would cheer him on and these little girls would come to stand right in front of me to show me what they could do on the trampoline.  I couldn't see him so i told the little girls, oh if you jump in the middle it's so much higher so then they went there and i could see him.

I am taking him there on Monday; he loves the place and i love to see kids moving.

6:47 pm
Mom just said as we watch CNN
I never saw a conservative who helped anybody.
6:34 pm
Supper with Mom
I brought Mom supper and she said, "This was delicious."

Whole Foods is so wonderful.  I brought her their sonoma chicken salad, it has enzymes  in the celery and grapes and the raw nuts in it and she loves it.

I brought her cole slaw.

She just seems good.  And it is good to be with her.

Life is good for me because of the smoothies i have been drinking  I drink one mid morning and then one at night.  The one at night has greek yogurt and frozen pineapples, bluebberies, celery, carrots strawberries.
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