Log in

Free Speech
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in written source's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Friday, November 27th, 2015
12:20 pm
I maid a difference !~!!!!!!!!!
The final thing I will say about the situation is that he expected me to the clean the house.

I cleaned that house for years. I cleaned up after him and made his beds along witht he others and the monster used to say, "Where did Terri shove it?"

Well if you had put it away she wouldn't have shoved it anywhere.

My mother never supported me in this.

But my dad would tell me, "You can make a place shine."

I figured out young that if you get the places people can't see the light reflects on those places and effects the over all look.

It was his agenda to get her out of her home so he can clean it.

He would have his wife do it; he's a good patriarch.

it makes me happy that I chose not to clean it.

And said to the ears inside my walls in the summer "If he places her I am not cleaning that place."

My mother allowed herself to be screwed by the patriarchy she created and I got out !
11:42 am
La Maison Francais (The French House)
Today in the mailbox another mailing came from the UW Continuing Studies.

I looked up French classes after I looked up the writing courses.

The catalogue shows that the French House of UW Madison offers a place for continuing students to practice their French.


I might go there eventually.

My writing is my highest priority right now.

I just feel that I have so many opportunities from my place to the UW.

I am grateful.

I am going to get the Rosetta Stone Spanish because every morning I go to La Casa Espanol (The Spanish House) and I need to take advantage of what I can learn there.

Tengo el poder ! I have the power. (The kids taught me how to say that)
11:30 am
11:19 am
Focusing on what matters
I believe that we are given lessons over and over until we get the lessons. In 1997 after Kipfmueller called Larry Hopwood to ask him to flunk me for my internship and Hopwood told him, "I will judge for myself" , Hopwood said to me "Teresa, I have seen people go up against patriarchy before and they always lose because they get so tired. Focus on what matters."

I had thought I had arrived to myself before Kipfmueller worked for DiUlio to try to get me.

So Hopwood wouldn't flunk me and he saw that my clients got better and not only did they get better they returned to their appointments with me.

Their improvement was rated on a scale from 1 to 10 that they rated. They would come in rating themselves low and by the end of a few sessions they were rating themselves higher, but what shocked him the most is that we were dealing with a population that had so many financial struggles that they did not return to appointments. My clients came back to their appointments Introspection is something they train you for in grad school for Sally Sue of the suburbs who has no real problems compared to those in financial struggle.

Because they couldn't get Hopwood to do their dirty work, they then in brought in the FBI. And Paul "the brilliant" professor from Winnepeg didn't know that Winnepeg was in Canada and then I knew something was up. I had already been warned so I knew.

But this time, I can focus on what matters.

My brother told my friend he kept the messages I left. Jeez, I hope he listens to them weekly because I meant every one of them.

I wish I had recordings of his exploding at me over the years.

When the monster and Mrs. Olson exploded at me on Mother's Day I decided to tell every one, no more secrets for the patriarchs.

Patrick, who the God son judges because the God son judges every one and says the most negative things about people such as my nephew being good looking and he must love his wife because she isn't and the nephew called to say don't ask if she is pregnant (it was liver disease) and my dad would never repeat a story at Christmas like that, well Patrick wrote a sympathetic note the God son judged me for being outraged that this monster continues to try to hurt me.

I think people who say these sad things about others do so to feel superior.

Well, the nephew's wife was dead by Feb due to liver disease.

But Patrick wrote upon my disclosure, "Oh, Terr I love you, I know what an autocrat he can be."

But the Godparent's God son wrote "I don't think you realize the effect you have on people when you lash out...."

I think someone has said that to him but notice he is incapable of empathy, he's the decider like George W. Bush, and it was my last Mother's Day with my mother and the monster came home and with his eyes bulging because I said "If she goes to a nursing home I will never speak to any of you again" so the Godfather put his fist in my face touching my face and yelling "if you write of my kids...."

I was shocked and very calmly said, "If I wrote anything it would have been positive...."

But since my younger brother keeps talking about me to others I feel it's fine to write it all out.

So the monster on mother's Day followed me and I got to the steps and he was pushing his body against me (meanwhile Mrs. Olson you know the bitch from hell who can't stop bitching was egging him on) and so I stood on a step to be eye level with the monster and he stopped.

Happy Mother's Day Mom ! And he did it with his wife's support in front of his daughter.

This is the man who laughed when I brought Michele home because it was her first Chrsitmas without her father and he laughed as if she and I were gay. If I were gay I would say I was but I am not. And his wife wouldn't speak because she has a niece that went gay and she fears for her own.

So I told the youngest nephew that Michele's boy friend was in Maryland and Mrs. Olson then relaxed.

I never have to be around those people again.

I won't be.

Shullsburg people have been kind, asking me on facebook if I am okay, one of them is the director of religion.

I don't go on facebook these days only to check for messages from Cath.

But the Monster's Godson has no empathy or sympathy for people.

He and his wife kept saying, "You have us." as if that is some great thing.

There would never be the discussions with them that I had with my mother. I told my mother when you die I will just talk to you all of the time.

All of them fear being alone, I don't. I'd rather be alone in solitude than be with them.

He has exploded at me over the years and never apologized. He's like his Monster God father he never apologizes either.

I remember one time Tom was home and the Monster went after him out of jealousy. He beat him up and pulled his hair out.

I never have to be around that Monster again.

So when I was talking to my Clarke friend about the monster she said, "You always have had so much anger toward the monster that I wondered if he did something."

She keeps thinking that the monster is married to Tom's wife (the woman who took it upon herslf to tell the monster what the Great Novice Master said)

He knew that I loved Tom and he went there because I never said anything negative about Tom and he was jealous that I told him what I thought (him being the great novice master)

With Tom, my body used to feel safe. Just safe.

I told my friend that around the monster I feel sick to my stomach. she said "Trust that."

My mother said after the monster's tantrum on Mother's Day, "He is like my brother."

I am past the place of feeling compassion for any of them.

My survival requires that I never be around any of them again.

That youngest one blares out orders "Don't say that." "Don't do this.'

He never listens and he married a joy killer for Christmas. The joy left when she entered the family. She wants to impose her perfectionism on others. That's what joy killers do.

Tom could handle her better. We were at a dinner at his house a few years back and she took it upon herself to turn down the music.

He doesn't take crap from anyone.

He immediately turned it back up asking, Who turned down the music.

I said with tension in my stomach that she did.

He turned it back up (I think he knew who turned it down) and he said of the Italian music "You like this don't you, Terri?"

I nodded.

I told my mom that I felt safe around Tom.

This was 15 years ago. My body just relaxes because I know he doesn''t want anything.

She said, 'I think his students do, too."

But the Godparents well the female one has always wanted the God son to herself.

But she has even said she would not want her husband at the God son's house because her husband puts his elbows on the table and the God son's wife would tell him to take them off.

I hate Christmas there.

So this year I have plans for a Christmas with joy.

And its' hard for friends and cousins to accept that I am not going to my mother's funeral.

i'll have my own.

She used to say to me, "Go to Church."

After she came out with the Jesuit uncle abusing her on the day of her father's burial and the Jesuit drove her back she never told me that again.

But for me focusing on what matters is focusing on my writing.
Wednesday, November 25th, 2015
12:50 pm
Apparently he told my friend that he won't forgive me for what I said about his wife.

Well I don't forgive his wife on what she has said about my mother.

So we are even.

I am never going back.

I said to Cath, 'and notice the passive ones just sit back and do nothing to let Mom see me."

I am free of all of them.

I wish them well.
12:46 pm
I am at a busy Happy Joe's in Dubuque. It's a pizza place. Then, I am going home.

My new bed is much more comfortable then the King Size bed I slept in last night. I love my new bed !

I love life.

Yesterday the new Carly Simon memoir was sent electronically; I get 30 days of free books on audio and that is the one I chose. I get one more free choice. Then, I will cancel the subscription.

She was my favorite singer when I was in 2nd grade. "Grandma used to nag at me to straighten up my back, to act respectful and read good books to take care of what was mine ..."

Grandma used to nag at me to straighten up my spine
To act respectful and read good books
To take care of what was mine
I hated being criticized and asking her permission
So what if her advise was wise, It always hurt to listen
I didn't cry when Granny died, she made me so depressed
And then I found I missed her more than I'd ever have guessed


I told Cath, "I miss the discussions with her."

Cath said, "You always talked about the discussions you had with her."

I miss that when I chatter around a certain time which is usually at 7 or 8 at night she is not there to listen to my nonsensical chatter.

I told Cath, "you know it was hard."

It was hard that none of them helped me and when they did show it was to criticize.

I spoke of how perfection rules their holidays and my brother has to eat the turkey when it's hot and well it gets cold right away so he moves at a ridiculous speed and I said, "One Thanksgiving a few years ago, he had everything out on their perfect china and he was ready to sit down to his well timed meal and he dumped a can of diet coke all over his plate."

I started laughing and Cath started laughing.

It was so funny and you are not allowed to laugh around perfectionists.

It was just so damn funny and I never have tp be around their perfectionistic holidays again, there are no joy in them.
Tuesday, November 24th, 2015
11:36 pm
I cried when my friend told me that my brother will not let my mother see me.

I didn't ask my friend to approach the subject.

I cried and I wanted to tell Ghost.

I am kept from two people by patriarchs.

My mother met Ghost and she said, "I like that guy."

She only said that about Dr. Ulrich.
11:33 pm
My friend met me at a hotel in Dubuque where I got a great deal on a price on Internet.

Her kids swam. We talked.

I spoke of the great novice master going to that in law all of those years ago and that in law told what he said to a brother. I said that I think it's evil. I think the Jesuit is a psychopath and someone as sheltered as her with her money and vices wouldn't be able to see it or grasp it. Also, she came from a background of status where Jesuits are to be revered.

My friend said I remember when he came to Clarke to see you.

I said to my friend, "Ken told me about the Jesuit, 'Teresa, he is not interested in who you are, he's interested in shaping you into who he thinks you should be."

My friend said, 'you are just a free spirit. You do what you want and You don't do what you don't want to do. And you're just so free."

Tonight she said, 'I have never caught you in a lie, in all of the years that I have known you, I have never caught you in a lie."

I said, "My mother told a meeting at Marquette, 'Now, she is honest I have told her that you can't be that honest....

My friend laughed.

I told her how Ted told me about Mom, "You know that she will be okay, just take it a day at a time."
I did that.

Ted's uncle is a Jesuit. I studied under him for two theology classes (Old and New Testament) I said, "Ted asked his Uncle 'is what she saying true? and his uncle reportedly shook his head and refused to speak but said, 'there was some trouble.'"

I told Cath so they say I am an enemy of the state and they are trying to get the two writers I am sandwiched between for breaking gag orders that they didn't break.

Meanwhile my youngest brother told Cath that he will not tell me where Mom is. He wants me medicated.

He is a patriarch. That is a punishing thing to do to Mom and to me.

Oh, and he's apparently upset because I would not clean that house, how dare I give up my role as their maid ?

They did nothing for her except talk about putting her away in a box because he was embarrassed.

Cath said, "you had unconditional love from your dad. I remember the story how he stood outside to listen to you play the piano because you wouldn't play for him.'

I didn't think I was good. My mother is the one who told me after he died how he did that.

I sang for him. I never wanted to be a singer, people said I had a good voice, but he was the best audience in the world.

I knew I wanted to be a writer.

The last thing he said to me in Shullsburg was, "Don't be like me."

And I am not, I will not take the crap from my family that he took from his.

The last thing he said to me in the hospital when I got there was, "Teresie."

He always called me that.

I loved my father.

And I knew he loved me.

I followed my friend to her house and she gave me a huge bag of a cooked Thanksgiving feast ! I thought it would be a dinner plate.

She told me tonight, "I love you unconditionally."

I feel that. She is home to me.

She said < "Your mind is wild."

I asked, "What do you mean by that?"

She said, "You have plan a, plan b, c and d all going at the same time and I can see your mind working.'

I told her, "You know, Monica was so smart."

She said, "You always said that."

I said, "She told me, 'Terri you have pride.'"

She was two years younger than I.

My brother using mental illness as a way for all of them not to deal with their behaviors ensure that I will never return to those people.

He's punishing and cruel.

I am fine.

I am meant to be a novelist now.
11:06 pm
He would NOT let me post here so I typed his actual name
Hi Kool Kat ! I tricked you I wrote your name and you thought I would post it but I didn't post it and you got off and then I posted the other and now you are back on with your cell phone this is fun how stupid you are and predicatble
10:53 pm
Their spy !
When James Bond goes to work on 3rd shift he plays with my tv so that if I change a channel from 2 to 3 or any number the screen goes black before it changes. He works at a job where there is sitting and waiting so if I turn my tv on in the middle of the night when he is on 3rd shift this is what has been happening for months.

Then when he comes home in the morning he does it. When he sleeps he doesn't do it and my tv is fine.

He is trying to make me think it is the guy below but he would never do that; it's you and I know it's you.
Monday, November 23rd, 2015
10:00 am
9:55 am
Novel Predicts Muslim run France (now translated into English)
I am going to read the novel. Someone told me that things that are currently happening in France were written in this novel (A George Orwell 1984 for France, I suppose) http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/news/author-of-book-envisioning-2022-france-under-muslim-rule-says-novel-is-not-islamophobic-9958954.html

Tammy Baldwin is not a great proponent for women's rights. She came out for Palestine, really she is coming out for the Palestinian men because the women and homosexuals have no right and if the men are so upset with Israel oppressing them why do they oppress women and homosexuals.

9:47 am
Dear FBI
Skinny and I have a deal going on. I will continue to mention him here and in my condo so he can give the homeless who live with him the free rent you provide for him and them.

But what you do is legalized rape, filming me naked if I change in certain places.

OH the great novice master loves it. You see, he said that in prayer he got closer to his cold father, when in fact, he became him. And he has always been jealous of the "golf pro" brother because the mother loved that brother's sweetness and that brother could live life on his own. The G.N.M. entered the Society at the age of 19.

Last night, Skinny blocked the 9 O'clock cable show I watch on Sunday nights.

I said I would mention it here to ensure that you think he is frustrating me so that he can continue to house the homeless.

I like to do my part for homelessness.

I waited and waited for him to come out last night in my car. Oh, the old boy is getting slower and slower but he made it after I sat there for 17 minutes.

I just want to ensure housing for the homeless he houses. Their drug money doesn't cover all of their expenses because they use the drugs too.

I want you to know that I am grateful that you put drug pushers and users on me, so easy to read them, my boys !
9:40 am
Here you can read of Paul Soglin's 2008 rant against the "dangerous" homeless in the L.A. Times
as he drives his daughter to the University where rape happens under the rug like all universities.


"When Soglin's daughter -- a freshman at the University of Wisconsin -- took an evening astronomy course this year, she didn't feel comfortable walking back to her dormitory alone.

"If no one else was available, she'd call me or my wife and we'd drive her back," the former mayor said. "It doesn't matter that it's only a few blocks. It only matters that she's safe." "
9:37 am
Now NFL star (Heisman Winner) Jameis Winston got away with hurting a small town girl
whose parents seemed innocent of the ways of the world.

It's heartbreaking and the documentary shows what was done to cover up the situation and what the Tallahasee police did not do.


Here you can see photos of the smiling rapist

9:26 am

The CNN documentary, HUNTING GROUNDS, was featured last night.

I looked up the national statistic of rape of women it is one in four. At colleges since 1987 the stats have repeated themselves that it is one in five female students. (Is it the more educated one is the less likely to rape? I do not know the answer to the differential)

Men get raped as well and the documentary featured that.

It was disheartening to see the number of female presidents and administrators who chastised the victims, absolutely disgusting.

It was disgusting that places like Harvard fired female professors who came out on the side of the victim.

A beautiful white male (retired cop turned Notre Dame security guard) resigned from Notre Dame because they wanted to cover up the rape of women, one young woman whose family were alumni killed herself.

All these colleges and universities have to do is write parents to say, "The good news is that the percentage of rape on college campuses is lower than the national rate of one in four, but the bad news is that we are not immune to the dark side of the human condition and the national statistic for college is one in five and that is too high."

Then, these colleges and universities need to have rape education in their orientations. This education would be for the by standers who walk in on rape, what they should do to intervene (i.e. call a campus hotline number, get others to intervene to stop it) teach that no means no and that women being friendly is not a sign that she wants sex with you. Anyone altered from drugs or alcohol can not give their consent so don't touch them.

This documentary is chilling.

It comes out that the date rapists pick their victim early in the evening and go from there.

The women who support these rapists disgust me. It's like the only glass ceiling they have broken is being a college president so they won't stand up to the issue.

They disgust me.

Scott Walker taking away the protection of tenure for professors makes them vulnerable the one thing you could count on from a tenured professor is that that person could tell you the truth and not be touched. He destroyed that.

I had a tenured professor at Marquette tell me from my graduate department, "There are many here who think well of you in this Teresa."

In Shullsburg during grade school and high school, girls talked and told on guys who did these kinds of things and I stayed away from them. It was like they would treat one girl like "Beth" the queen of Nikolas Butler's SHOTGUN LOVESONGs and the other girls as unworthy.

At Marquette in the bathrooms of the library, women wrote the names of college rapists on the walls of the bathrooms.

Sunday, November 22nd, 2015
3:12 pm
Jesuits competed with the Native Shaman of the Native Americans
In the pursuit of their conversions, the Jesuits sought to undermine the authority of the villiage shamans (the traditional religious leaders) and to gain the confidence of leaders who could influence others. The Black Robes used a variety of weapons to attain the desired end. Trained in rhetoric, they won admirers by their eloquence. Seemingly immune to smallpox, they explained epidemics among the Native Americans as God’s punishment for sin, their arguments aided by the ineffectiveness of the shaman’s traditional remedies for illness against that deadly disease.

– perhaps they hoped that death would solve all of their “problems.”
3:01 pm
The Jesuits Sold Slaves
I had Jesuits comment on my papers that it was the times when I questioned Augustine's treatment of his concubine, leaving her penniless so he could go be a big mouth creating the concept of Original Sin.. I don't agree with that argument, "it was the times."

Jesus was above the times. The Jesuits aren't, though the S.J. stands for Society of Jesus. I think the order doth protest too much in that claim !

“Maryland Jesuits had been slaveholders since Colonial times, when they, like the lay planters of the area, gradually moved from the use of indentured servants to the use of slaves as workers on the manors that served as their parish centers and economic support.”

They did not move away from the concept of indentured servants, they used nuns ! and so many women whose voices you can still hear echoing down the hallways of Marquette, "Father, Father, Father, Father."

Most of them that join these days are gay and are doing so for their mothers who know they are gay (really I believe this) There is still homosexual shame in the Catholic World of Mother wants a son for a priest.

I am hoping this is making someone laugh !


It's like this, I reported to the Great Novice Master back in the early 90's that the Jesuits took small pox to the Native Americans.

He said, 'No, we didn't."

I said, "Yes, they did."

Oh and he loved to tell the story of how he went back to cry in his room in the early 70's when he was out at Pine Ridge South Dakota because the kids were watching John Wayne and cheering for the cow boys. (Upon that confession you are supposed to think he is sensitive and wonderful and a god for the Native Americans) and if you don't think he is a god he will get your life destroyed so fake it, tell him he is a god !!!! :)

Everything is about him, and he's like most men all narcissists they have to go one about themselves and they think they are doing you a favor when they do it.

Would someone tell him that there were Native American Cowboys back in the day !

2:48 pm
The reality
P.S. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of them, I simply want out. I got out. The Mother's Day attack on me by the sibling and Mrs. Olson did the trick. I don't have to put up with their jabs and name calling any more.

I was supportive of those people. Now, I am supportive of me
2:09 pm
I was supposed to go to Dubuque to see my friend last night but I cancelled on Friday when the storm warnings were out. Dubuque was supposed to get more than we did.

I asked my friend if she would look up the number to the hotel so I could cancel.

My friend wrote that we could get the internet hooked up in my place. She thought it had been disconnected.

And I texted back that I purposely don't have internet because I would be on it all the time and I can't do that.

I use it at the Middleton Library, which I call my university. And it's the place where I found the advertising post cards of Weekend with your novel. If I had been completely shut in I would have missed that and it has changed my writing life.

I am grateful to those generous people there.

So my friend laughed and this is the sweet thing, she said that she has food for my Thanksgiving. I can cook but I think it is so generous. She is leaving Dbq and she cooked for me and her two sons.

She is one of my heroes in that she adopted 5 unadoptable kids in Missouri as a Lesbian and the only reason they gave them to a lesbian is that they were older and considered unadoptable. She kept 3 biological kids together in that five.

She's the real deal. She's a rock. She's rational and calm. She laughs at life and she has suffered.

I will never go back to my family. To call me incompetent when I have suffered for years under Jim Grummer's FBI is not something I want to be around.

Unlike the complainers, I never talked about it.

I remember a friend from Milwaukee telling me when this first started "You are delusional." I hung up the phone and never spoke to him again.

I remember when I worked in the field with people with severe and persistent mental illness and some of them wanted to go to the psychiatric unit.

I asked Michele, "Don't they have any pride?"

I vowed I would never return. And that family wanted to do to me what they did to my mother.

I will never return.


I really find what that in law did to tell the sibling anything that great novice master said as being evil; she always wants trouble somewhere. I am free of her forever.

They have no conception of what a positive person I am because none of them would have had the courage or the strength to deal with the humiliations and violations of civil liberties that I have.

I am free.

Today, a working woman who is a bus person at the café wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. I thanked her and asked her if she had things to be thankful for and she said, oh yes, my husband was hired on here and now we can pay the bills.

I am celebrating the holidays this year praying for people each day.
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com